Episode 136: Permission to Choose Anew
11/5/25
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You are listening to the Life Reconstructed podcast with me, Teresa Amaral Beshwate, grief
expert, best-selling author and widow. I’m so glad you’re here because in this and every
episode, I shine a light on the widowed way forward.
Hello and welcome to episode 136. This episode is about granting yourself permission to make new
choices after loss. I’m sharing how giving yourself that freedom can open the door to healing
and possibility. Choosing anew doesn’t erase your love or your past—it allows you to carry them
forward with you. Each decision becomes a step toward a future shaped with intention and hope.
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If you’re listening to this episode as it’s released, it’s a new month. Inside of Life
Reconstructed, my coaching program for widowed people, we were recently talking about making new
choices, and so in this new month of November, it seems like a good topic for today’s episode:
choosing anew.
I’ve said this often and I’m going to say it again: your spouse’s death changed you, too. You’re
not your former self. You’re simply your today self (and spoiler alert: there’s a future you,
too).
My guess is that your today self is living with a lot of choices that former you made. From
small choices like your hairdresser or masseuse, to the type of sheets on your bed, to where you
stop for coffee or your favorite lunch spot. And also big choices like what you drive, where you
live, who you spend time with, and your profession. The former you who choose all of this was
living your former life. And today is different in almost every way.
I’m not suggesting that you should make all new choices. Because that probably would mean
overwhelm on top of overwhelm. I am saying that I hope you’ll give yourself permission to make
new choices when you want to. When something no longer feels like a fit for who you are today.
When your friendships shift into awkward territory. When your hairdresser is constantly trying
to “fix” you. When your masseuse has become chatty. When the cotton sheets are cold and you
don’t have your person to snuggle up to. When your neighborhood starts to feel unsafe. When your
career feels more like a “job.” When conversations start to feel irrelevant. When your family
expects you to be available to watch the grandkids as you always did. When your siblings expect
you to do the heavy lifting with your parents. When people expect your former self to re-emerge.
You’re under no obligation to function as your former self did. Or to continue to live with the
choices your former self made. You are not your former self, after all. Your loss changed you,
and everything else about your life: your capacity to help others, your energy levels, your
cognitive abilities, your sleep patterns, and so much more. There is a future version of you who
has all of this sorted out, who is calm and confident and certain. I promise there is.
But what you have today is this version of you.
Let this you choose anew. In whatever area that makes sense.
You may want to keep things the same, and if so, do that.
Or, you may want to make some changes. Give yourself permission.
Making new choices does NOT mean that you’re “moving on” or leaving your person in the past, or
“getting over it.” It is by no means disrespectful to your person. It is simply making this
catastrophic time of your life a tiny bit easier. New choices may plug some massive energy
drains, so you have more energy for what matters most to you.
This journey is already tough enough. There’s no need to carry any extra burden. Make new
choices where you want to. And then, and this is important, be on your own side. Have you own
back. Give yourself room to experiment, allow for some trial and error, as you learn yourself
and how to live this life without your person’s physical presence.
And if you need a sentence for someone who is not understanding you, borrow this one: “My loss
changed everything, and I’m realizing how much it changed me, too.”
You’re learning, and that’s the way of it.
So I’m curious, what new choice might you want to make? What former choice no longer feels like
a fit? Send me an email and I'll respond personally.
Know that you can do this. It will NOT always hurt like this. And there is a differently
beautiful life waiting for you. If today is heavy, then I have something for you. It’s an Ann
Lamott quote: “Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do
the right thing, the dawn will come.” Unquote.
If this episode was helpful, please share it with a widowed friend. And remember that I believe
in you, and I’m here for you. Take care.
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If you’ve found this podcast helpful, my best-selling book, also called Life Reconstructed, will help even more. It’s now available on Audible, or in paperback. If you get it in paperback, you’ll also receive the accompanying journal, and instant access to a 3-part video series that will help you right away. Links are in the show notes.
https://www.thesuddenwidowcoach.com/lrbonusbundle
https://www.audible.com/pd/B0DRDL949F/?source_code=AUDFPWS0223189MWT-BK-ACX0-426818&ref=acx_bty_BK_ACX0_426818_rh_us
