Episode 134: When Autumn Feels Extra Tough
10/22/25
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You are listening to the Life Reconstructed podcast with me, Teresa Amaral Beshwate, grief
expert, best-selling author and widow. I’m so glad you’re here because in this and every
episode, I shine a light on the widowed way forward.
Hello and welcome to episode 134. Today we’re talking about the season of autumn—and why it can
feel surprisingly heavy after the loss of a spouse, plus practical ways to move through it.
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Why fall can hit harder
In many parts of the U.S., fall is in the air—leaves are turning, pumpkin spice lattes are back,
and front-porch pumpkins are everywhere. Maybe you’re like me, and fall was your favorite time
of year.
For widowed people, that seasonal shift can add an unexpected layer of heaviness. Traditions
return, which means that memories resurface, and even simple errands—like walking through the
grocery store with all the fall decor—can sting.
No matter how long ago your person passed, please hear this: nothing has gone wrong. Seasons
carry memories. Sometimes they’re more bitter than sweet. Your response is human and normal.
Here’s what I hope you will NOT do.
Don’t tell yourself it will always hurt like this. It won’t. Grieving is learning, and you’re
learning to carry it. You’re learning yourself, and how to walk through this season without your
person’s physical presence. How you feel today is information about today—not a forecast for
forever.
Here’s what I hope you WILL do: three practical tips for the season
1) Be kind to yourself.
Notice your inner tone. If you wouldn’t say it to a dear friend, don’t say it to yourself. When
the brain offers “I should be over this,” try: “Of course this is hard—this season holds a lot.
I can be kind to me today.” No one could have prepared your for this, and you’re not supposed to
know how to do it. Love is the way forward. So tip #1 is be kind to yourself.
2) Prioritize your energy.
Give yourself permission to opt out, scale down, or leave early. You can choose to dial
everything back, because rest is incredibly productive. If invitations feel heavy, try simple
scripts:
“Thanks for thinking of me. I’m keeping things low-key this fall.”
“I may decide last-minute. Thanks for understanding.”
“I can join for an hour.”
Say yes to what recharges your batteries—walks, silence, time in nature, a good cry, solitude or
the company of friends who get it.
So tip 1 is be kind to yourself. Tip 2 is prioritize your energy. And tip 3 is…..
3) Get curious about grief.
Grieving is learning. Small insights can lighten a heavy day. Listen to a supportive podcast
episode, pick up an audiobook, or explore resources made for widowed people. Curiosity is kinder
than self-criticism. And not only is it kinder, it actually will help you step forward. Self-
criticism keeps you stuck in a spin cycle of suffering. Curiosity is the way forward.
Here’s a brief and practical “micro-plan” for tricky days.
Think of this like a 10-minute tune-up:
Step 1: Name it.
“Right now I’m feeling _____ and that’s normal and okay."
Step 2: Choose a focus. One thing that would help today: a slower morning, a phone call,
declining an invitation, or an early bedtime.
Step 3: Practice restraint.
Turn off non-essential notifications. Limit scrolling. Place one comforting thing in your
environment—a candle, a blanket, or a photo that makes you smile.
Step 4: Create an exit plan.
If you attend a gathering, plan your arrival/leave-early option and your transportation.
So, tell me…..send me an email with your answers to these 2 questions:
What does autumn tend to stir up for you?
Which one thing that would make this week just a little easier?
A word for the first-autumn hearts
And, last thing….If this is your first fall season without your person, you’re not behind.
You’re not doing it wrong. You’re learning this life that you didn’t sign for—and you’re doing
it one small choice at a time. You are learning and growing, in a way that honors your person
and yourself. And speaking of your person, remember that love never dies. Love remains. And love
is the way forward.
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If today’s episode helped, share it with someone who might need a softer way through fall.
You’ll find links to supportive resources in the show notes, along with my book Life Reconstructed: A Widow’s Guide to Coping with Grief, Finding Happiness Again, and Rebuilding Your Life.
