Episode 129: The Second Year After Loss: Myths, Truths, and Practical Ways Forward
9/17/25
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You are listening to the Life Reconstructed podcast with me, Teresa Amaral Beshwate, grief expert, best-selling author and widow. I’m so glad you’re here because in this and every episode, I shine a light on the widowed way forward.
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Hello and welcome to episode 129. If you’re approaching the second year after loss, you’ve likely heard two very different messages. Society tends to assume you’ll be “better” by the end of year one, while many in the widowed community caution that year two is the hardest. In this episode, I’ll unpack both of these beliefs, share why neither is the full story, and offer four practical ways to approach year two with greater clarity, compassion, and strength.
Dispelling the Myths
First, let’s dispel a few myths.
It’s ironic that there are two common beliefs that are complete opposites.
Society’s myth is that widowed people are “better” by the end of year one.
The widowed community’s belief is that year two is the “worst.”
Neither is absolutely true.
No one is magically “better” by the end of year one. That’s partly because time alone doesn’t heal grief. That’s why we see people posting in widowed groups ten years later saying, “It still hurts like yesterday.”
Healing comes from intentionality—from learning to process feelings, examine thoughts, give yourself permission to fully live again, and create a new life for yourself.
There’s nothing inherently magical about day 366. It’s just another day.
And as for year two being the “worst”? It’s not that simple. Year one can feel like acute pain, sometimes cushioned by shock. Year two may feel more like a chronic ache as the reality of loss settles deeper into your bones.
They’re not better or worse—they’re different.
Why Year Two Feels Different
In the second year, the protective anesthesia of shock wears off. Reality becomes undeniable.
Some things get easier—you may be more practiced at surviving each day—but other things hit harder.
One of the biggest challenges in year two is expectations. Both those imposed by society, and those we impose on ourselves.
That nagging thought: “I should be better by now.”
But here’s the truth: there’s no timeline, no rulebook. You lost the one person you chose to build your life with. You don’t have to “be” anything other than what you are: a human doing the best you can. You’re doing your best in the worst of circumstances.
That said, today I want to offer you….
Four Practical Ways to Navigate Year Two
One: Don’t adopt other people’s stories.
Year two isn’t automatically worse, and it isn’t automatically better. It’s yours. Stay curious about your own journey.
Two: Be curious, not judgmental.
Instead of saying, “I should be further along,” try observing: “Okay, this is where I am today,” or “This is the part where it feels heavier.”
Removing judgment removes unnecessary suffering.
Three: Give your brain time.
Think about how many thousands of days you lived with your spouse compared to how many days it’s been since they passed. Of course your brain still struggles to adjust.
It takes new lived experiences for it to understand this world without their physical presence.
Four: Practice self-kindness.
Notice your thoughts. Are they kind?
When you catch yourself being harsh, ask: “What would love say in this moment?” or “What would love do right now?”
Be your own strongest ally.
A Final Word
Year two can feel lonely because the support people offered in year one often fades.
But you don’t have to do this alone.
Inside my Life Reconstructed coaching program exclusively for widowed people, we face year two head-on. You’ll learn how to stop merely existing and begin living again—on purpose.
And—if this episode was helpful—I’d love to invite you to a free webinar: The Truth About Year 2.
I’ll dive deeper into why the second year is unique, the changes happening in your brain and body, how to best support yourself, and how to rally continued support from those who love you.
Plus, I’ll answer your questions and share practical tools you can apply right away.
The webinar is happening Thursday, September 25th at 3 p.m. Pacific. I hope you can attend live so I can answer your questions, but if not, register anyway and I’ll send you the replay.
Go to https://www.thesuddenwidowcoach.com/year2-webinar
Or click the link in the show notes to sign up. https://www.thesuddenwidowcoach.com/year2-webinar
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