Episode 124: From Stuck to Strong: Coaching Could be the Missing Piece in Your Healing
8/13/25
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You are listening to the Life Reconstructed podcast with me, Teresa Amaral Beshwate, grief
expert, best-selling author and widow. I’m so glad you’re here because in this and every
episode, I shine a light on the widowed way forward.
Hello and welcome to episode 124. In this episode I explain how coaching helps those grieving
the loss of a spouse, the differences between coaching, grief groups, and therapy, and how to
know whether coaching is a fit for you.
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In the weeks and months and years after my husband passed, friends and family suggested therapy.
They had heard stories of healing and they wanted me to experience it, too. I was grateful for
the suggestion, but also, reluctant. Well, actually I was more than reluctant, I was not going
to do therapy, period. I had read many a grief book written by someone who hadn’t lost a spouse
and those books read textbook and sterile, so I assumed therapy would be the same. I didn’t know
how to find a therapist who was herself a widow, and I thought that anyone not themselves
widowed wouldn’t understand me, and I knew I wouldn’t think of them as relevant.
I was wrong about a lot of that. In hindsight, if I could go back and give my newly widowed self
guidance, I would recommend she use that tiny bit of energy to find a therapist to help with the
trauma, to normalize her grief, to bear witness to the pain.
There are many stories of healing that come from therapy. Finding a therapist is a matter of
finding the right fit, which may require some trial and error. By all means, use therapy for as
long as it serves you.
And allow for the possibility that at some point, therapy might feel complete.
The same can be true for grief groups. They serve a purpose. You’ll meet others who are
grieving, and given that we all live in a not-so-grief-savvy society, you’ll find a sense of
community and support. Again, it’s about finding the right fit for you, which means trial and
error.
If you find a grief group that’s a fit for you, go as long as it serves you. And again, allow
for the possibility that at some point, it will feel complete. Notice how you feel when you
leave - that will help you decide.
Another common approach to grief is do-it-yourself. This was what I did. I think it’s a common
approach for people who are high-functioning, disciplined and independent. It feels more
private, and to me, grieving my spouse was a private matter. Again, if I could go back and give
my newly widowed self guidance, it would be to tap the wisdom and experience of someone who has
gone before. DIY is a piecemeal approach.. books, yoga, meditation, creativity, a little help
here, a little help there. But no one thing moves the needle in any big way. It’s not the most
efficient way forward, and in my experience, it left lots of room for me to get stuck and stay
stuck and miserable. It left lots of room for me to suffer unnecessarily, and for much too long.
It was years later that I found coaching, and it changed everything for me.
How coaching is different than therapy
So let’s talk about the difference between coaching and therapy. I’m going to make some
generalizations here, there will of course be exceptions. Therapy is an excellent way to feel
seen and understood. It’s a place to tell your story as many times as you need to, and to learn
that your grief is normal. Those who find good therapists feel validated and supported.
Therapists are trained in helping their clients understand the present partly by examining the
past and uncovering how the past can influence the present. Therapy can be covered by insurance because it’s a medical model.
A decent, but not perfect, analogy for therapy is physical therapy. If you have a knee injury,
for example, you receive a diagnosis and then go to physical therapy to help you get back to
baseline.
Coaching, on the other hand, is more like having an athletic trainer. Rather than getting you
back to baseline from an injury, it’s about taking you from where you are…forward. Strengthening
you for whatever is ahead. There is no diagnosis, and there is a focus on the present tense, and
support to move you toward the future you want for yourself. Therapy can offer a future focus,
too.
Sometimes with the loss of a spouse, therapy is ideal as a first step, followed by coaching.
Coaching and therapy can also occur simultaneously. They’re different, and both are excellent.
What matters is whatever is a fit for you, and whatever is helping you take strides forward.
How coaching is different than grief groups
Coaching can be offered privately, where you meet directly with a coach, whether by phone or
virtually. Coaching is also offered in group settings. But coaching groups tend to be very
different from grief groups that might be offered through hospitals, churches or hospice.
A coaching group, and I’ll just speak to my own, it attracts like-minded widowed people who want
actionable steps and a proven process for healing. The people who join are not in a place where
they need to tell their story multiple times, they’re not there to commiserate - they have other
outlets to do that. They’re people who want help seeing themselves more clearly, to understand
their own journey objectively, and they’re open to new ways of thinking and behaving. They’re
ready for mindset shifts as it relates to their loss. They want to process the pain in the most
efficient way, and they don’t want to waste any time or energy enduring any extra, unnecessary
suffering. What a coaching group offers is practical tools, actionable steps, and ongoing
support. Plus a major added bonus is the curated community of like-minded peers. People who get
it. People who will cheer hard for you, see you as you are, and fiercely believe in you and your
ability.
I’m certain that lifelong friendships have been sparked in these groups. Deep, authentic
relationships happen easily when you bring like-minded people together, and that’s been one of
my greatest joys.
How coaching is different than a DIY approach
Coaching offers the most practical tools to help with grief, and life in general. These are
tools that every person should know, in my opinion, grieving or not. I’ve seen exponential
personal growth in my own life, and that of my clients, thanks to coaching, and for a relatively
small investment in time and energy. It truly changes the trajectory of people lives for the
better. As opposed to a DIY approach, coaching offers curated tools, and practical steps. It’s
efficient and it’s effective.
How to know if coaching is a fit for you.
Coaching is a fit for you if:
You’re functioning again, going through the day to day of life, but not where you want to be.
If you’re not willing for time to heal (which, spoiler alert, time, in and of itself, does not
heal. It’s intentionality that heals, and a coaching approach is highly intentional.)
If you’re not willing to settle for a mediocre existence.
If you don’t want to waste time or energy trying to figure this out for yourself.
If the other things you’ve tried haven’t been a fit, and haven’t resulted in noticeable
progress.
You want to get help for yourself so you can be a better version of you for the ones you love.
If you’re ready to invest in yourself and your healing, because you know you’re worth it, and
your future is worth it.
Then coaching is probably a fit for you.
If you’re listening to this episode as it’s released, my group coaching program called Life
Reconstructed is closing soon, in fact, it closes tomorrow, 8/28 and there’s a place for you.
Click the link in the show notes to learn more, and join us in September for three
transformational months that will take you into the holiday season feeling calm and confident.
If this episode was helpful, please share it with a widowed friend. And remember that I believe
in you, and I’m here for you. Take care.
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If you’ve found this podcast helpful, I invite you to join Life Reconstructed, my coaching
program exclusively for widowed people. The September, 2025 group begins soon, and the doors
close on 8/28. It will help you step forward toward a life you will love again. Simply go to thesuddenwidowcoach.com and click work with me. The link is in the show notes.
