What will people think?

Jul 08, 2022

How often do you wonder what other people think of you? If you look or act too happy, maybe they’ll think that you’re “over it,” or “moving on.” If you seem too sad, they’ll think that you’re feeling sorry for yourself or grieving too slowly.

If you lived your life before loss in people pleasing mode, those tendencies still exist, and this becomes an even bigger dilemma in life after loss in a non-grief savvy society.

No matter what you say or do, or don’t say or don’t do, someone, somewhere will think that you’re doing it “wrong.”

Being concerned about what people think keeps you paralyzed, in fear of judgement, and feeling even more isolated. And……

it’s also a blessing in disguise.

Because fear of being judged by others reveals areas in which, deep down, you are already judging yourself. Consider that at some level, you might be in agreement.

Do you allow yourself to experience moments of happiness, or do you make that mean that you didn’t love him enough?

Do you allow yourself to experience moments of sadness without making it mean that you’re wallowing?

These simple steps can be a great help:

  1. Make a list of all the ways in which you fear the judgement of others.
  2. Notice which ones, deep down, you agree with.
  3. Examine those thoughts closely. Ask yourself whether they are true AND if they serve you.
  4. If not, make a list of other true thoughts that serve you well.

Now, your brain won’t want to do any of this work. In the spirit of efficiency, it prefers to think the same old thoughts on repeat. But these are the unexamined thoughts that keep you stuck. So put your brain to task. Your ability to feel better today is just on the other side of these thoughts.

And how about your ability to create a future for yourself that you will love? That also starts with your willingness to look at your current thoughts, edit them, and think thoughts on purpose.

Your fear of being judged is a great place to start.


Inside of Life Reconstructed, my coaching program exclusively for widowed people, you’ll have private coaching, group coaching and a self-paced curriculum to help you reconcile the past, feel better today, and shape a future that you can love. Simply click here and we’ll see if it’s a fit.

Learn more about Life Reconstructed.

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