The Real Obstacle That is Keeping You Stuck

I encourage you to answer the following two questions:

What do you want for yourself?

What are the obstacles that are getting in your way?

Many widowed people simply want to feel better. They’d like to have hope that the future won’t feel as terrible as the present. They want clarity and confidence. They crave a sense of identity and purpose.

In my conversations with hundreds of widowed people each year, I hear some common obstacles.

1. Myself
2. Fear
3. Guilt
4. I don’t know how
5. I lack motivation

They seem like the obstacles. They sound like:

I’m my own worst enemy.

I’m afraid to do anything.

I should have been able to save him.

I don’t know how to do life without him by my side.

I can’t seem to get off the couch.

But these aren’t the real obstacles.

In fact, there is only one obstacle, and it is your primitive brain. And this isn’t a problem because it is simply your primitive brain functioning normally.

Your primitive brain has just one job: to keep you alive. It does this in only 3 ways:

Seeking pleasure

Avoiding pain

Being efficient

When your person passes, your primitive brain launches into overdrive, sending out constant messages of fear and scarcity. The pain of loss is profound, which threatens your primitive brain, after all, pain could potentially mean danger.

Step one in healing is recognizing that your primitive brain is on overload and doing everything it can to keep you safe. Which is to say that nothing has gone wrong. Simply write down all the thoughts you are having.

Step two is to think about what you’re thinking about. Is it true? Is it useful?

Step three is to think true and useful thoughts on purpose, on the regular.

I wish I had known this nearly a decade ago when my husband passed. I lived in fear and scarcity. I tried to stay busy so as to avoid the pain. I thought I was losing my mind. But it was just my primitive brain functioning on overdrive, trying to keep me safe.

I’ve learned so many valuable tools and skills since then, and I’ve compiled it all into a six-month coaching program called Life Reconstructed, created exclusively for widowed people who are ready to find their way forward and create a life worth living. If that’s you, simply  click here and we’ll see if it’s a fit.