Other People’s Behaviors: What if They Have Nothing to do With You?

Jan 21, 2022

In my Life Reconstructed group coaching calls lately, we’ve been talking about other people’s behaviors: what they say and don’t say, what they do and don’t do, and what we think they think about us, and expect of us.

It’s true that the people in our lives have a rule book, or manual, for us, and it includes how we should think, feel and behave.

But in fairness, we also have a manual for the people in our life, which also includes how they should think, feel and behave.

Frustration comes when someone is not following someone else’s manual. But the truth is that we can’t control another person any more than they can control us.

It’s also tempting to make other people’s behaviors mean something about us. This sometimes sounds like:

  • She’s disrespecting me.
  • He is disregarding my pain.
  • They want nothing to do with me.

Those thoughts can feel true, and they cause lots of misery. So it’s worth considering what else might be true. What if their behavior is 100%, entirely about them: about their own pain, their own journey, their own ability to interact with a grieving person?

We get to decide. We get to think thoughts on purpose that serve us. We can opt out of conversations that we’re invited to. We can let people be wrong about us.

We always have the option to decide that their behavior is 100% about them.

If the people in your life seem too difficult to navigate, you’re not alone. Life Reconstructed shines a light on our manuals and helps us move forward in healthy ways. If it feels like you’ve reached a crossroad and are ready to try something different, simply apply here and we’ll see if it’s a fit.  

Learn more about Life Reconstructed.

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