Three Simple Steps to Feel Better Immediately

Mar 12, 2021

One reason that we stay stuck in the depths of grief is that our brains are made for efficiency. The main goal of our primitive human brain is to keep us alive, and one way it accomplishes that goal is by being efficient. When it comes to our thoughts, efficiency equals redundancy.

Our brains offer us the same thoughts, day in and day out. We tend to believe that everything we think is true.

Thoughts we think over and over again become beliefs. In the spirit of efficiency, our brains file our beliefs in the subconscious. It is inefficient, after all, to consciously re-think things that we already believe to be true.

At no point in our development does anyone teach us:

  • That all thoughts are 100% optional.

  • That thoughts are simply sentences in our minds.

  • That we are not our thoughts.

  • That our thoughts are sometimes not true.

  • That our thoughts sometimes don’t serve us.

  • That our thoughts on repeat can become a self-imposed prison sentence.

As we become better eavesdroppers on our thoughts, we can learn to observe without judgement. We can simply say, “oh, this is what my brain is offering me today,” knowing full well that those thoughts may or may not be true and may or may not be serving us.

Only then can we become fierce editors of what our brains offer us.

Take Control

In a life that suddenly and irreversibly spun out of control, this becomes our first opportunity to regain control. Although our brains might be offering one thought on repeat, a host of other thoughts are also true.

We have the ability to direct our brains to think the thoughts that are both true and useful. This is how we unlock the handcuffs and step into new possibility.

Since our thoughts directly create our feelings, and since our thoughts are 100% optional, it is best to choose thoughts that don’t make us feel horrible. After all, this life is tough enough (understatement of the year) without our brains manufacturing unnecessary additional suffering.

Create a Belief Plan

I encourage my clients to create a Belief Plan, and I hope you will create one for yourself.

A Belief Plan is a list of thoughts that are true for you and that serve you. It can also include thoughts that you want to believe but you’re not quite there yet. It does not include thoughts that you do not believe at all. No unicorns, no rainbows, just truth.

Here is an example of a Belief Plan. (Note: not all these thoughts will ring true for you or serve you, but feel free to use the ones that do.)

  • Getting through this does not mean getting over him.

  • The length of grief is no measurement of the depth of my love for him.

  • Today I will observe without judgement.

  • I am moving forward, not “moving on.”

  • I am worthy of happiness.

  • Happiness does not disrespect my spouse, in fact, it honors him.

  • I now live for two.

  • I give myself permission to dream again.

Just a few steps will help you create your Belief Plan and start benefitting from it right away.

  1. Grab a piece of paper and create your own Belief Plan. Add thoughts that are true and useful to you. Perhaps my free 10-minute video will help. Add or delete as needed. Be sure to include beliefs that you are still learning to believe.

  2. Read your Belief Plan at least daily, or more often as needed.

  3. As you read each belief, pause to feel the feeling that each thought creates. Make a note of the feeling.

  4. Optionally, ask yourself, “On a scale of 1 to 10, where a 10 indicates very strong belief, what number would I give this belief today?”

Notice what a Belief Plan is not. It’s not a unicorns and rainbows type affirmation that is too far from your current truth. It’s not a fake-it-until-you-make-it approach to living life after loss. It’s also not forced positivity. Those don’t work; Belief Plans do.

If you can’t seem to break free of your current beliefs that are keeping you locked away in a prison of suffering, I see you. I’ve spent a lot of time there myself. Once I broke free, I curated the best tools to help others do the same. My private coaching program called Life Reconstructed can help you find your way forward, on your terms. If you’re ready to invest in yourself and take bigger strides toward a life you love, simply apply here and we’ll see if it’s a fit.  



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