Anger is an option, or not

Aug 05, 2022

Depending on the circumstances of your person’s passing, you might be seething with anger.

Perhaps he died because of the actions of another, whether intentionally or inadvertently. Or the medical system failed him. Or despite your efforts, he refused to take care of his health. Or he ended his life. Or he wasn’t forthcoming with his diagnosis.

Often anger is self-inflicted, because you think that you should have seen the signs, or you should have been able to save him.

In the aftermath of his death, you may be fuming about the way you’ve been treated, misunderstood, or disregarded.

For many who have lost a spouse, anger is the number one feeling, day in and day out. If this is you, here is what I want you to know:

You get to feel angry.

This is not the life you signed up for. It’s unimaginably hard. The worst thing that could happen….happened. And it happened to YOUR person.

To feel angry is not wrong. It’s your choice. It’s natural to feel angry.

With that said, the question I have for you is:

Do you want to continue feeling angry?

Maybe you do. It’s your right.

Or maybe you’re tired of carrying anger around. Maybe it is feeling too heavy.  Or perhaps the anger feels like a toxin, working its way through your insides.

If you’d like to feel something other than angry, I have good news for you. You can set it down, whether temporarily or permanently. Here’s how.

  1. Thoughts create feelings. You have thoughts that create anger in your body. Make a list of all the thoughts that make you feel angry.
  2. Notice what actions you take when you’re saddled with anger. Write as many actions as you can think of. Also, notice what you don’t do when you’re angry that you might otherwise do (usually this includes self-care, nurturing friendships, etc.)
  3. Take a look at all your actions and consider what result they’re creating for you. Is this result what you want for yourself? If not, proceed to step 4.
  4. Now it’s time to challenge your brain. What other thoughts ring true for you that don’t create anger? Make a list and note what feeling each thought creates. Think these thoughts, on purpose, regularly. Pause after each and notice the feeling in your body.

It’s a simple approach to take a break from anger, or perhaps even walk away from it for good. I hope you’ll try it and let me know how it goes.


Fair warning: It’s not uncommon for grief to hide behind anger. If you decide to stop feeling angry, you may feel the pain of loss more profoundly. Inside my coaching program for widowed people, I help you peel back the anger and process the pain, effectively and efficiently.  

There is a waitlist, so the sooner you’re on it, the sooner you can begin. Simply click here and we’ll see if it’s a fit.

Learn more about Life Reconstructed.

Click here

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