Episode 182: Grabbing life with both hands
9/23/26
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You are listening to the Life Reconstructed podcast with me, Teresa Amaral Beshwate, grief
expert, best-selling author and widow. I’m so glad you’re here because in this and every
episode, I shine a light on the widowed way forward.
Hello and welcome to episode 182. What does it mean to opt back in to life after devastating
loss? In this episode, I’m sharing a beautiful message from a listener—and exploring what it
might look like for you, whenever you’re ready, to “grab love again with both hands.”
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I received an email recently that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about.
It was from a woman named Libby.
Libby has never been a client of mine. We’ve never worked together. She’s simply been reading my
emails and listening to this podcast.
And with her permission, I want to share part of what she wrote to me.
She said:
“Hi Teresa,
I just wanted to thank you for keeping me sane after my husband died in 2024.
I learned that it was ok to grieve, ok to laugh, ok to set up barriers and ok to love again from
you.
I've recently reconnected with my first love and we get along so well together. We got married
in July and we are so good for each other, we laugh so much. He had lost his wife 7 years ago
and both of us knew we wouldn't date through apps or bars.
Long story short, you gave me the confidence to reach out to him and to grab love again with
both hands.
Thank you again for all your kind words of wisdom.
From the happy couple. ❤️
Glenn and Libby”
I love this email.
And there’s one sentence in particular that has stayed with me:
“Grab love again with both hands.”
What a beautiful way to say it.
Now, I want to be really clear about something.
This is not an episode about why you should date.
It’s not an episode about why you should remarry.
I don't believe repartnering is right for everyone. I don't believe romantic love is some sort
of finish line for grief. And I certainly don't believe that finding another partner is evidence
that you’ve healed more successfully than someone who chooses not to.
Libby and Glenn’s story is beautiful because it was right for them.
Two people who experienced tremendous loss found one another—or, really, found one another
again.
And when they were ready, they chose to grab love again with both hands.
But that's not the only way to do it.
And that's what I want to talk about today.
Because I think there comes a point in this experience when we get to decide whether we want to
opt back in to life.
And that point is different for everyone.
After your person dies, opting out can make perfect sense.
You may not be interested in the future.
You may not care about possibilities.
You may not want adventure or new experiences or new relationships.
You may hear people talking about your “next chapter” and think, I don't want a next chapter. I
want the chapter I was already living.
Of course you do.
Sometimes simply getting through the day is enough.
Sometimes you live because there are people who love you and don't want to lose you, too.
Sometimes you're putting one foot in front of the other without feeling particularly
enthusiastic about where those feet are taking you.
That's okay.
You are allowed to opt out for as long as you want to.
There is no deadline here.
There is no moment when you should be ready.
And my goal is never to rush you forward before you are ready.
But I also want you to know this:
You are allowed to opt back in.
And maybe, when you're ready, the question becomes:
What would it look like for me to grab love again with both hands?
Notice I didn't ask:
Who are you going to date?
Are you going to remarry?
Are you ready for another relationship?
I'm asking something much bigger than that.
Where is love available to you now?
Maybe grabbing love again with both hands looks like friendship.
Maybe there are people you'd like to know better. Maybe you start saying yes to invitations
you've been declining. Maybe you reach out first instead of waiting for someone else to call.
Maybe it's travel.
Maybe there's somewhere you've always wanted to go, and for a long time the idea of going
without your person felt impossible.
And one day, you decide to go anyway.
Maybe it's a hobby.
Maybe you get back on the horse.
Pick up the paintbrush.
Plant the garden.
Take the class.
Learn the language.
Go to the concert.
Do something simply because it interests you.
Because you're curious.
Because it makes you feel alive.
Maybe grabbing love again with both hands means loving the people who are already here more
fully.
Your children.
Your grandchildren.
Your siblings.
Your friends.
Your animals.
Your community.
Maybe it means letting people be closer to you instead of protecting yourself quite so fiercely
from the possibility of another loss.
And yes.
Maybe, like Libby, it's another person.
If that's what you want.
I want to say something about that, too, because I think sometimes widowed people believe that
loving another person means somehow loving their spouse less.
I don't believe that at all.
I don't believe our hearts have limited occupancy.
We don't have to remove one love to make room for another.
Libby can love the husband she lost and love Glenn.
Glenn can love the wife he lost and love Libby.
One love doesn't cancel another.
One relationship doesn't rewrite the one that came before it.
Love can expand.
And that isn't limited to romantic love.
Your life can expand.
Your capacity for joy can expand.
Your relationships can expand.
Your interests can expand.
Your sense of who you are can expand.
Your willingness to experience this life can expand.
And none of that means the person you love matters any less.
It doesn't mean you're finished grieving.
It doesn't mean you've “moved on.”
It doesn't mean the loss wasn't devastating.
It simply means you're still here.
And at some point, you might decide that if you're going to be here, you want to be here.
You want to participate.
You want to see what's possible.
You want to see what's waiting for you.
Maybe right now you're not ready.
That's okay.
Maybe you're listening to this and thinking, Nope. Not interested.
That's okay, too.
You don't have to grab anything today.
But maybe you can allow yourself to believe that there could come a day when you want to.
A day when something catches your attention.
Something sounds fun.
Someone makes you laugh.
An idea excites you.
You find yourself looking forward to something.
And instead of pulling back because you think you're not supposed to feel that way…
maybe you reach toward it.
Maybe with one hand at first.
And then maybe, eventually, with both.
There are still experiences you haven't had.
There are places you haven't seen.
There are things you haven't learned.
There are people you haven't met yet who will love you.
There are versions of yourself you haven't discovered.
There is still love here.
And there is still life waiting to be lived.
Not the life you planned.
Not the life you would have chosen.
But your life.
And when you're ready—whatever it looks like for you—
you get to grab love again with both hands.
If this episode was helpful, please share it with a widowed friend. And remember that I believe
in you, and I’m here for you. Take care.
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If you’ve found this podcast helpful, check out my newest book, Time Doesn’t Heal, Why High
Achieving Widowed People Feel Stuck, and How to Rebuild a Meaningful Life. It’s now available
on Audible, in paperback and Kindle, plus there’s an accompanying journal to help you apply what
you learn. And, join the free course so I can help you even more. Links are in the show notes.
