Episode 176: When Motivation is MIA
8/12/26
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You are listening to the Life Reconstructed podcast with me, Teresa Amaral Beshwate, grief
expert, best-selling author and widow. I’m so glad you’re here because in this and every
episode, I shine a light on the widowed way forward.
Hello and welcome to episode 176. If you've been waiting to feel motivated before tackling the
laundry, paperwork, phone calls, or other unfinished tasks in your life, this episode is for
you. The truth is that motivation is overrated—it was never the most reliable fuel source, even
before loss—and today I'll show you a different, more practical way forward that doesn't require
motivation at all.
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Hi there, and welcome back to the podcast.
Today we're talking about something I hear from widowed people often, no matter how long ago their person died.
"I just can't seem to get motivated."
There's the pile of laundry. The stack of paperwork. The phone calls. The deferred maintenance.
The things you've been meaning to do for weeks, months, maybe even years.
And yet you can't seem to take action.
Well, actually, that's not entirely true.
It's often very easy to take other kinds of action.
Scrolling social media, for example.
Or binge-watching your favorite series.
Maybe keeping yourself constantly busy.
Overeating.
Overdrinking.
Overspending.
And all sorts of other "over-ing" activities.
If this sounds like you, I want you to know something important:
You're 100% normal.
You're not doing this wrong.
Nothing has gone wrong.
You're walking through one of the most difficult chapters of your life, and it's exactly this
hard.
No one could have prepared you for this.
And motivation may simply not be within your grasp right now—and for good reason.
Your person's death changed you, too.
You are not your former self.
Former you isn't coming back.
Current you is picking up the pieces, learning, growing, grieving, and becoming.
And there is a future you.
I promise.
So before we dive into motivation, I want you to hear two things:
You're not doing this wrong.
And you're not your former self.
We have to start from a place of understanding ourselves. From there, we can learn and grow.
But I know what you're thinking.
You still have a lot of things that need to get done.
I get it.
And I have lots of good news for you.
Good News #1: Motivation Isn't the Best Feeling Anyway
Motivation gets a lot of credit.
But motivation is really just a spark.
It can arrive unexpectedly.
And often disappears just as quickly.
Even before loss, motivation was never the most reliable fuel source.
So let's stop waiting for it.
Let's stop believing that we'll finally take action once we feel motivated.
Instead, I find there are other feelings that are much more useful.
Intentional.
Deliberate.
Capable.
Committed.
Those feelings tend to stick around longer and create more meaningful action.
Which leads to the next piece of good news.
Good News #2: Feelings Are Created by Thoughts
Our thoughts create our feelings.
That means we don't have to wait for motivation—or any feeling—to magically arrive.
We can create feelings on purpose by thinking thoughts that are true for us.
You may have to shop around for those thoughts.
What works for me may not work for you.
But I’ll share what has worked for me. I've built my entire business around one simple thought:
"People are hurting, and I can help them."
That thought makes me feel deliberate.
And from that feeling, I record podcast episodes.
I coach my clients.
I write content.
I show up.
Not because I'm always motivated.
But because I'm thinking a thought that creates a useful feeling.
So let's say you're staring at a sink full of dirty dishes.
You want to want to wash them.
But you don't actually want to wash them.
What thought might help?
Maybe:
"A clean kitchen feels peaceful."
Or:
"I deserve a clutter-free kitchen."
Or:
"I'll think more clearly when this is cleaned up."
Notice what's happening.
You're casting a vote for a future version of yourself.
You're doing something today that future you will appreciate.
And that can be a very powerful source of action.
Good News #3: Kaizen
I learned this from my former boss, Dr. Roger Landry, who, by the way, is going to be my guest
on this podcast very soon. I’m so excited. Kaizen is a Japanese philosophy centered around
continuous improvement.
Tiny improvements.
Small steps.
Progress over perfection.
So instead of looking at the entire pile of paperwork and feeling overwhelmed, what if you
simply picked up one piece of paper?
Just one.
Not the whole stack.
One.
Read it.
File it.
Respond to it.
Recycle it.
Whatever needs to happen.
One piece of paper is a win.
One dish is a win.
One phone call is a win.
One load of laundry is a win.
We tend to underestimate the power of small actions.
But small actions change lives.
Good News #4: Inertia Works in Your Favor
A body in motion tends to stay in motion.
You've probably experienced this.
You tell yourself you'll handle one piece of paperwork.
And somehow that one piece becomes two.
Then maybe three.
Not because you're forcing yourself.
Not because you're shaming yourself.
But because momentum happened naturally.
Sometimes the hardest part is simply beginning.
The first step creates possibilities the stationary version of you never gets to experience.
A Final Thought
In my book, Time Doesn't Heal, I recommend keeping a list of anything that feels like a win or
an accomplishment.
Big or small.
And in front of each item, write:
"I'm the person who..."
My own list includes things like:
I'm the person who made funeral arrangements on our wedding anniversary.
I'm the person who planted an orchard and learned how to farm after he passed.
I'm the person who learned how to fix broken things, lift heavy things, and believe in herself
again.
Those statements matter.
Because they remind us who we are.
Not who we used to be.
Who we are now.
So I hope you'll make your own list.
I hope you'll remind yourself of every difficult thing you've already done.
Every obstacle you've already faced.
Every challenge you've already survived.
And then I hope you'll remember something that may be easy to forget:
You are capable.
Far more capable than I suspect you give yourself credit for.
And if motivation is nowhere to be found today, that's okay.
You don't need motivation.
You need one true thought.
One small step.
And a little willingness to believe in yourself.
Because you are the person who can do hard things.
Be sure to download the journal prompts for this episode, so that you can apply these concepts
to your daily life. That’s where the learning happens.
If this episode was helpful, please share it with a widowed friend. And remember that I believe
in you, and I’m here for you. Take care.
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If you’ve found this podcast helpful, check out my newest book, Time Doesn’t Heal, Why High
Achieving Widowed People Feel Stuck, and How to Rebuild a Meaningful Life. It’s now available on Audible, in paperback and Kindle, plus there’s an accompanying journal to help you apply what you learn. And, join the free course so I can help you even more. Links are in the show notes.
