Episode 169: When summer nights are long and lonely- this will help
6/24/26
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You are listening to the Life Reconstructed podcast with me, Teresa Amaral Beshwate, grief
expert, best-selling author and widow. I’m so glad you’re here because in this and every
episode, I shine a light on the widowed way forward.
Hello and welcome to episode 169. As the days get longer this time of year, many widowed people
notice that the nights feel longer, too. In this episode, we’re talking honestly about
loneliness after the loss of a spouse, the difference between pain and suffering, and how to
support yourself more intentionally when the silence feels especially heavy. I hope you’ll take
the concepts in this episode further by applying them in your daily life - that’s where the
learning happens, which is why I’ve created free journal prompts specifically for this episode.
Get them by clicking the link in the show notes.
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As we move toward the end of June here in the U.S., the days get longer. There’s more sunlight.
More evening activity. More people outside enjoying summer.
And for widowed people, all of that can shine an even brighter spotlight on who is missing.
The nights can feel especially hard.
They’re quiet.
They’re long.
Sometimes unbearably lonely.
And I want to talk about loneliness today because it’s one of the most common experiences after
the loss of a spouse, and I don't think we talk about it enough.
If you feel incredibly lonely, and this summer season brings a unique type of loneliness, you’re
not doing anything wrong.
You lost the person you shared your daily life with. The person you texted throughout the day.
The person you sat beside in the evenings. The person who witnessed your routines, your stories,
your humor, your ordinary moments. The person you did summer with, summer after summer.
And suddenly, their physical presence is gone.
Even if you have supportive friends.
Even if you have family nearby.
Even if you’re surrounded by people.
You can still feel profoundly lonely for your person.
And I think that distinction matters.
Because loneliness is not simply about being physically alone.
It’s the aching for them.
Their voice.
Their energy.
Their companionship.
Their physical presence in your day-to-day life.
And there is pain in that.
That pain comes with the territory of losing your spouse.
But then there’s suffering.
The suffering gets added when the brain layers thoughts on top of the loneliness.
Thoughts like:
“I’ll always feel this way.”
“I’ll always be alone.”
“Nothing will ever feel good again.”
“The evenings will always feel unbearable.”
This is the difference between the wound and the salt.
The wound is the pain of missing your person.
The salt is everything the brain adds on top of it.
And brains are very good at adding salt.
Mine certainly was.
My brain told me that loneliness would feel this intense forever. That my future would always
feel empty. That life would always feel this heavy.
But grief evolves.
Your experience of loneliness evolves.
Not because time magically heals you. It doesn’t.
But because grieving is learning.
You learn how to support yourself.
You learn how to carry grief differently.
You learn how to create connection again.
You learn how to build a differently beautiful life.
And all of that changes your experience over time.
Now, another thing I notice is that many widowed people try to outrun loneliness.
They overwork.
Over-function.
Over-schedule.
Over-scroll.
Keep the TV on constantly.
Stay endlessly busy.
Not because they’re weak.
But because loneliness feels incredibly vulnerable.
And the primitive brain is wired to avoid pain.
But what we resist persists.
The more we run from loneliness, the scarier it often becomes.
So instead, I want to offer you something different.
What if loneliness is not something to try to outrun?
What if instead of panicking when it arrives, you simply noticed it?
“Right now, I feel lonely for my person, and that’s okay.”
Not forever.
Not permanently.
Not as a prediction about your future.
Just right now.
And then, instead of immediately distracting yourself, maybe you allow the feeling to be there
for a couple of minutes.
You notice where it shows up in your body.
Maybe it feels heavy in your chest.
Tight in your throat.
Hollow in your stomach.
And instead of arguing with it or trying to outrun it, you simply breathe and allow it.
Maybe tears come.
Maybe they don’t.
That is a form of processing.
It’s not fixing the feeling.
Not making it disappear.
Also not enjoying it.
Just allowing it to move through your body without adding resistance and panic on top of it.
And then you support yourself intentionally.
Maybe you go outside and sit in the evening air for a few minutes.
Maybe you text someone you trust.
Maybe you listen to a podcast that reminds you you’re not alone.
Maybe you join a widowed community where people truly get it.
Maybe you simply put your hand on your heart and remind yourself:
“It’s this hard to be without my person’s physical presence.”
Of course you long for the physical presence of someone you love deeply.
And here’s what I want you to know:
You can miss your person and still create a meaningful life.
Both can coexist.
I have a beautiful life now. A full life. A meaningful life filled with purpose and connection
and joy.
And I still miss my husband.
I’m still ache for his physical presence sometimes.
Both are true.
And both can become true for you, too.
So if the nights feel especially long right now, be gentle with yourself.
Notice the difference between the wound and the salt.
Support yourself intentionally.
And remember that loneliness after loss is part of the human experience of widowhood — not a
permanent identity.
There is still connection ahead.
Still meaning ahead.
Still love ahead.
Still life ahead.
Even here.
Even now.
If you found this episode helpful, be sure to download the free journal prompts I’ve prepared
for you - to help you apply these concepts to your life.
Please share this episode with a widowed friend. And if you’re listening on Spotify or Apple
Podcasts, I would be so grateful if you’d rate and review the podcast so more widowed people can
find these conversations.
Remember that I believe in you, and I’m here for you.
Take care.
If you’ve found this podcast helpful, check out my newest book, Time Doesn’t Heal, Why High
Achieving Widowed People Feel Stuck, and How to Rebuild a Meaningful Life. It’s now available
on Audible, in paperback and Kindle, plus there’s an accompanying journal to help you apply what you learn. And, join the free course so I can help you even more. Links are in the show notes.
