Episode 161: The Myths and Truths of Year 2
4/29/26
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You are listening to the Life Reconstructed podcast with me, Teresa Amaral Beshwate, grief
expert, best-selling author and widow. I’m so glad you’re here because in this and every
episode, I shine a light on the widowed way forward.
Hello and welcome to episode 161. There’s a common belief that grief should ease after the first
year—but many widowed people find the second year unexpectedly heavy. In this episode, we
explore why year two can feel so difficult, from the brain and body to relationships, and what
actually helps. If you’re in (or approaching) year two, this will help you understand your
experience—and better support yourself through it.
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Hello and welcome back to the podcast.
If you’ve been widowed for a while—or you’re approaching that one-year mark—you may have heard
something confusing.
Society tells us that after the first year, grief should be… complete. That you’ve made it
through the “year of firsts,” and things should start getting better.
And yet, inside the widowed community, you hear something very different:
“That second year? That’s the worst.”
So which is it?
Let’s talk about the myths and truths of year two.
Myth: The second year is the worst.
Truth: Grief is different for everyone.
Some people do find the second year somewhat easier. And many find it incredibly challenging.
But instead of labeling it as “better” or “worse,” it’s more helpful to understand why it can
feel so hard—and what you can do to support yourself through it.
Reason #1: Your brain is still catching up
One reason year two can feel more difficult is internal.
Your brain is still rewiring itself to understand a world where your spouse is no longer
physically here.
And that reality can hit differently in year two.
It can sound like:
“He’s really not coming back.”
“Her death means this, too.”
If there was a kind of anesthesia in the first year, it often wears off. And the reality can
land harder.
Here’s what helps:
Be patient with your brain.
It is doing incredibly complex work—relearning your life in every way. That doesn’t happen
overnight.
Grieving brains are even detectable on functional MRIs. Brain fog, forgetfulness, misplacing
things… this is not you failing. This is your brain healing.
And when you meet that with self-criticism, it slows the process down.
Love is the way forward.
Reason #2: Your body is still impacted
The second reason year two can feel so challenging is physical.
Grief is a full-body experience. Nearly every system in your body is impacted—and that doesn’t
magically resolve when the calendar changes.
Your nervous system may still be dysregulated.
You may feel exhausted in a way you’ve never experienced before.
This is grief.
You’re not doing anything wrong.
What helps is tending to your body:
Rest when you can—even if you’ve never been someone who naps.
Nourish yourself as best you can.
Put your face in the sunshine.
Breathe deeply.
Move your body—gently. A slow walk counts.
Schedule your appointments. Get your bloodwork done.
Be gentle with your body. It is healing on its own timeline.
And again—self-criticism only works against you. There is no upside.
Reason #3: The gap between how you feel and how others perceive you
The third reason year two can feel especially hard is relational.
There’s often a growing gap between how people think you’re doing… and how you’re actually
doing.
On the outside, you may look more “put together.”
But on the inside, the weight of it all may feel even heavier.
And when there’s no space to talk about your grief, loneliness compounds.
You may sense that people think you should be “over it” by now.
Or maybe they’ve said it out loud.
And suddenly, you start wondering if you’re doing grief wrong.
You’re not.
Here’s what you can do:
Tell the people you trust that year two can be differently hard.
Ask them to keep showing up.
Ask them to keep inviting you—even if you don’t always say yes.
Let them know what helps—whether that’s checking in, or sharing memories of your person.
Remind them—and yourself—that you are still learning who you are now.
That’s not a problem. That’s the process.
Free webinar tomorrow, 4/30/26
If this resonates with you, I want to invite you to something I’m offering tomorrow.
It’s a free live webinar called The Truth About Year 2.
I’ll be going deeper into these myths and truths—and most importantly, giving you practical
steps you can use right away to lighten your load.
Because year two doesn’t have to be one ounce heavier than necessary.
It’s happening live at 9am Pacific, 10 Mountain, 11 Central, and noon Eastern.
And here’s what I want you to know about attending live:
You don’t need to be on camera.
You can simply listen.
You can type questions if you’d like—or not.
And you’ll be in the (virtual) room with hundreds of other widowed people who get it.
It’s a space where you’ll feel seen, understood, and supported.
And because I want to reward those who make the time to show up for themselves, the replay will
only be sent to those who attend live.
Even if you can only stay for a few minutes—come.
That way, you’ll still receive the replay.
You can save your spot using the link in the show notes.
I would truly love to see you there.
I hope this episode was helpful.
If you know a widowed friend who needs to hear this, please share it with them.
And remember—
I believe in you, and I’m here for you.
Take care.
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If you’ve found this podcast helpful, check out my newest book, Time Doesn’t Heal, Why High
Achieving Widowed People Feel Stuck, and How to Rebuild a Meaningful Life. It’s now available
in paperback and Kindle, plus there’s an accompanying journal to help you apply what you learn. And, join the free course so I can help you even more. Links are in the show notes.
