Episode 157: The physical toll of grief
4/1/26
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You are listening to the Life Reconstructed podcast with me, Teresa Amaral Beshwate, grief
expert, best-selling author and widow. I’m so glad you’re here because in this and every
episode, I shine a light on the widowed way forward.
Hello and welcome to episode 157. Grief isn’t just emotional—it’s physical. In this episode, we
explore how the loss of a spouse affects the body, from fatigue and brain fog to sleep
disruption and digestive changes. Understanding grief as a full-body experience can help end
self-criticism and help you give your body the care it truly needs.
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Hello, and welcome back to the podcast.
Today I want to talk about something that many widowed people experience, which is the impact of
grief on the body.
Because when your spouse dies, everyone expects the emotional pain. The sadness, the shock, the
longing.
But what most people don’t realize is that grief is not just emotional.
It’s physical.
And understanding that can be incredibly important—because it helps end the self-criticism so
many widowed people carry.
And when you can stop self-criticism, then you can start giving yourself what you truly need.
Grief Is a Full-Body Experience
Neuroscientist Mary-Frances O’Connor, PhD, has spent her career studying the science of grief. I
loved her first book, The Grieving Brain, and I also loved her second book called The Grieving
Body. She teaches that grief doesn’t just affect our emotions—it affects nearly every system in
the body.
The heart.
The immune system.
The endocrine system.
The brain.
The nervous system.
Grief is a full-body experience.
In fact, scientists now understand grief as a physiological stress response. When we lose
someone we love, the body releases stress hormones, inflammation increases, and the
cardiovascular system becomes more reactive.
Which helps explain why so many grieving people experience things like:
Fatigue
Brain fog
Trouble sleeping
Restlessness
Changes in appetite
Digestive issues
All of these are extremely common physical symptoms of grief. And you, my friend, are not
exempt.
And yet, when these symptoms show up, and when they stick around for a while, most widowed
people assume something is wrong with them.
The Injury You Can’t See
I like to think about grief like a serious physical injury.
If you were in a major car accident, you would expect your body to hurt.
Some injuries would show up immediately.
Others might appear days or weeks later.
You would likely get medical care, rearrange your schedule, and give your body the time it
needed to recover.
You would assume the injury was deeper than what you could see.
But when grief slams into the body like a tsunami—affecting every system—we rarely treat it with
that same level of compassion.
Instead, many widowed people criticize themselves.
Why am I so exhausted?
Why can’t I focus?
Why am I still struggling?
Shouldn’t I be better by now?
But your body has been through something enormous.
The death of a spouse is one of the most stressful events a human can experience.
And the body responds accordingly.
Why Your Old Self-Care No Longer Works
What many high-achieving widowed people find frustrating is that the things that used to
recharge them… don’t seem to work anymore.
Maybe you used to run a few miles to clear your head.
Maybe you thrived on long workdays.
Maybe you could push through exhaustion and just “get it done.”
But grief changes the equation.
Your nervous system is already working overtime.
Your brain is processing a new reality.
Your body is carrying a stress load it has never carried before.
So the old strategies no longer measure up.
Which is why self-care after loss often needs to look completely different than it did before.
In Chapter 7 of my new book called Time Doesn’t Heal—I talk more about how to care for your
energy and your body during grief. I’ve included the link in the show notes.
The Salt in the Wound
When my husband died, I experienced many of these physical symptoms myself.
For nearly two years, I barely experienced hunger or thirst.
I would look at a plate of food and think about how much energy it would take to chew it.
Digestion was difficult.
Sleep was elusive.
And exhaustion was simply part of daily life.
But what made it worse was something else.
Self-judgment.
I remember thinking:
Shouldn’t it be better by now?
I must be doing this wrong.
And that’s what I call pouring salt into the wound.
The wound is the pain of loss and the physical impact grief has on the body, brain, and spirit.
That comes with the territory of losing a spouse.
The salt is the self-criticism.
The belief that you should be handling this better.
The first step in healing a wound is to stop throwing salt in it.
And the way we do that is by understanding what grief actually does to the body.
A Different Kind of Self-Care
When you understand grief as a full-body experience, something important shifts.
Instead of asking:
“What’s wrong with me?”
You begin asking:
“What does my body need right now?”
Maybe it needs rest.
Maybe it needs gentleness.
Maybe it needs nourishment, sunlight, movement, or quiet.
Maybe it needs patience.
Grief has its own timetable. It’s messy and unpredictable.
Your body is doing extraordinary work as it adapts to life without the person you love.
And that work takes time. Be patient with your body. Give it what it needs.
To help you consider how grief has impacted your physical body, and what it needs to recover, I
created free journal prompts. The link is in the show notes.
Thank you for being here with me today.
And remember:
You are not doing grief wrong.
Your body is responding exactly as a grieving body does.
And that means you deserve extraordinary compassion—especially from yourself.
If this episode was helpful, please share it with a widowed friend. And remember that I believe
in you, and I’m here for you. Take care.
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If you’ve found this podcast helpful, check out my newest book, Time Doesn’t Heal, Why High
Achieving Widowed People Feel Stuck, and How to Rebuild a Meaningful Life. It’s now available
in paperback and Kindle, plus there’s an accompanying journal to help you apply what you learn.
And, join the free course so I can help you even more. Links are in the show notes.
