Episode 156: When Grief Hits Differently
3/25/26
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You are listening to the Life Reconstructed podcast with me, Teresa Amaral Beshwate, grief
expert, best-selling author and widow. I’m so glad you’re here because in this and every
episode, I shine a light on the widowed way forward.
Hello and welcome to episode 156. As the seasons shift, grief can hit in ways you didn’t see
coming. In this episode, we explore the secondary losses that surface through tax season,
storms, and everyday responsibilities that now fall solely on your shoulders. If you’ve been
feeling the weight of doing it all alone, you’ll learn a practical exercise to help you remember
who you are — the person who figures it out, even in the hardest seasons.
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If grief has felt heavier lately — sharper, more present, more exhausting — this episode is for
you.
Sometimes it helps to understand why.
Grief doesn’t stay the same. It shifts. It evolves. And often, it intensifies around
circumstances we didn’t anticipate. Around seasons. Around tasks. Around responsibilities that
shine a bright light on your person’s physical absence.
These are what are called secondary losses.
And they can pack a punch.
When Circumstances Highlight Their Absence
As the seasons change, so do the reminders.
Maybe you’re preparing your taxes.
If you are, you might be feeling your loss in a very specific way. Maybe it’s the mental energy
required to gather documents. Maybe this is your first time handling it alone. Maybe they always
managed the finances. Maybe you used to divide and conquer.
Taxes require focus over time. Attention to detail. Executive function.
And if you’re grieving, your brain may struggle with all three.
Your capacity can feel low.
Your stress levels high.
Your energy minimal.
So it’s not “just taxes.”
It’s doing taxes without your teammate.
It’s another piece of evidence that the buck now stops with you.
Or maybe where you live, a storm just hit.
As I’m recording this, another Nor’Easter has slammed the East Coast — snow, ice, power outages,
broken pipes.
If that impacted you, you may find yourself once again in charge of everything.
The repairs.
The shoveling.
The generator.
The insurance calls.
The decisions.
And with each task comes a reminder:
“They used to do this.”
Or
“We used to decide this together.”
That’s a secondary loss.
You’re not just fixing pipes.
You’re navigating life without your teammate.
And that can feel incredibly lonely.
The Myth of a Hard Things Quota
There’s this quiet thought many widowed people have:
“There should be a quota of hard things.”
Haven’t we done enough?
Haven’t we endured the worst case scenario?
And yet… life keeps throwing curve balls.
Another bill.
Another repair.
Another decision.
Another responsibility.
And it’s easy to slip into a state of flinching.
A waiting-for-the-other-shoe-to-drop mindset.
In that space, you’re playing defense.
You’re bracing for impact.
You’re on the receiving end of whatever punch is going to land next.
And when you’re bracing like that, your brain is primed for self-criticism.
“This shouldn’t be so hard.”
“I should be better at this by now.”
“Why does everything feel overwhelming?”
“I’m back at square one.”
But you’re not.
The Solid Foundation Exercise
In these moments, I want you to do something very specific. I created some free, downloadable
journal prompts to help you with this exercise. The link is in the show notes. Here’s what I
hope you’ll do.
Make a list.
Title it: Hard Things I’ve Navigated.
Write down every difficult thing you’ve handled since the moment your person passed.
Every tough decision.
Every repair.
Every phone call.
Every form.
Every meltdown you survived.
Every holiday you got through.
Every business decision.
Every parenting moment.
Every logistical nightmare.
Every move.
Every “first.”
Capture all of it.
Then — and this is the powerful part — in front of each item, write:
“I’m the person who…”
I’m the person who figured out the snow blower when Mother Nature dumped several feet of snow.
I’m the person who kept the business running.
I’m the person who sold the house, packed every box, and moved to a more manageable home.
I’m the person who got my family through the toughest days.
I’m the person who sat in that hospital room filled with hope and optimism.
I’m the person who made the impossible decisions.
Notice what happens when you write it that way.
It’s not just about tasks.
It’s about identity.
You are the person who figures things out — even in the darkest days.
From Shaky Ground to Solid Foundation
When your brain tells you that you’re failing…
That you’re incompetent…
That you’re behind…
That you’re somehow back at square one…
Notice that you’re standing on what feels like shaky ground.
That shaky ground is a story — not a fact.
Then pull out your list.
Read each sentence, starting with:
“I’m the person who…”
And feel your footing return.
That’s your solid foundation.
From that place:
You’ll make your best decisions.
You’ll do your best research.
You’ll tap your creativity.
You’ll tackle the next thing.
From that place, you’re no longer flinching.
You’re playing offense.
You’re relying on yourself more confidently.
You’re beginning to believe in yourself again.
Strength Doesn’t Feel Strong
Here’s the truth:
Strength rarely feels strong.
It often feels exhausted.
It feels uncertain.
It feels like, “I guess I’ll try.”
But look at the evidence.
You are the person who has done the unthinkable.
You are the person who continues to navigate life’s circumstances.
Not perfectly — because there is no such thing.
But faithfully. Persistently. Courageously.
You’re the person who figures it out.
And as the seasons shift…
As the taxes pile up…
As the storms roll through…
As new secondary losses surface…
Remember who you are.
You are the person who can do this.
If this episode was helpful, please share it with a widowed friend. And remember that I believe
in you, and I’m here for you. Take care.
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If you’ve found this podcast helpful, check out my newest book, Time Doesn’t Heal, Why High
Achieving Widowed People Feel Stuck, and How to Rebuild a Meaningful Life. It’s now available
in paperback and Kindle, plus there’s an accompanying journal to help you apply what you learn.
And, join the free course so I can help you even more. Links are in the show notes.
