Episode 155: Finding Purpose (Without Forcing It)
3/18/26
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You are listening to the Life Reconstructed podcast with me, Teresa Amaral Beshwate, grief
expert, best-selling author and widow. I’m so glad you’re here because in this and every
episode, I shine a light on the widowed way forward.
Hello and welcome to episode 155. Purpose after loss isn’t something you force — and you’re not
behind. In this episode, I share why the pressure to find purpose keeps you stuck and how
curiosity, patience, and stillness open the door to what’s next.
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Hi friends, welcome back to the podcast.
If you’ve been feeling behind when it comes to purpose…
If you’ve been quietly asking yourself, “Shouldn’t I have figured this out by now?”
This episode is for you.
Tomorrow I’m teaching a free webinar called The Path to Purpose, and today I want to talk about
the single biggest mistake widowed people make when it comes to finding purpose again.
And it’s not what you think.
The biggest mistake we make about purpose after loss is this:
We think we should have found it already.
We think:
“I’m a certain age.”
“I don’t have time to waste.”
“My marriage was complicated — I don’t want to lose more years.”
“I used to be driven. What happened to me?”
And because you are likely someone who used to get things done — someone productive, capable,
accomplished — the pressure feels even heavier.
We are human doings.
And society feeds right into this.
You don’t have to look far to find someone telling you:
Volunteer.
Start a nonprofit.
Get a dog.
Travel the world.
Reinvent yourself.
Launch something meaningful.
As if purpose is a project you just haven’t scheduled yet.
As if you’re late.
As if you’re doing it wrong.
But here’s what no one tells you:
The pressure to find purpose is the very thing that delays it.
The Self-Criticism Trap
When you tell yourself:
“I’m behind.”
“Other people have figured this out.”
“I should be further along.”
“Why can’t I get it together?”
You move into self-criticism.
And here’s something important:
Self-criticism and curiosity have an inverse relationship.
When one is high, the other is low.
And guess what is absolutely essential for discovering purpose?
Curiosity.
You cannot shame yourself into purpose.
You cannot rush yourself into purpose.
You cannot criticize your way into clarity.
So do you see how we inadvertently lock ourselves out?
We think urgency will help.
But urgency suffocates curiosity.
Purpose Lives on the Other Side of Curiosity
Purpose is not found through panic.
It is found through:
Curiosity
Patience
Stillness
And let’s be honest.
None of those are our strong suits as a society.
Especially not after loss.
Especially not if you’ve always been high-functioning.
Especially not if your nervous system has been on high alert for years.
But purpose doesn’t respond to pressure.
It responds to space.
Loving the Questions
The Austrian poet Rainer Maria Rilke wrote:
“Be patient with all that is unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves.”
Love the questions.
Is anyone naturally good at that?
If you are an expert at loving the questions, please email me. I want to meet you.
Most of us are not good at sitting with:
Who am I now?
What matters now?
What do I want?
What would feel meaningful?
We want answers.
We want direction.
We want certainty.
But purpose begins not with answers —
It begins with being willing to live inside the question.
To say:
“I don’t know yet.”
“And that’s okay.”
What Purpose Is Not
Purpose is not a productivity contest.
It is not something you’re late to.
It is not proof that you’re healing “correctly.”
And it is not a race.
Purpose unfolds when:
You trade self-criticism for curiosity.
You allow yourself to not know.
You stop forcing action just to feel productive.
Sometimes the most purposeful thing you can do in a season
is to rebuild your relationship with yourself.
That is not passive.
That is foundational.
Tomorrow — Thursday, March 19, 2026 — I’m teaching a free webinar called The Path to Purpose.
In it, I’m going to walk you through:
Why you don’t yet know your purpose
What actually blocks clarity
And five practical steps toward discovering what’s next
This won’t be vague inspiration.
It will be practical and doable.
And if you can attend live, I strongly encourage it.
When you’re there live:
I can answer your specific questions.
I can shape the conversation around what you need.
You’ll be surrounded — virtually — by hundreds of other widowed people who are also asking these
questions.
Your camera won’t be on. You’ll only see me.
You can simply listen.
You can type questions.
You can quietly belong.
And if you’re listening after March 19th, you can still register and receive the replay.
The link is in the show notes.
If you are feeling behind…
You’re not.
If you are living inside the question…
You’re not failing.
You are at the beginning.
And purpose does not come to the person who pressures herself.
It comes to the one who gets curious enough to stay with the questions.
I hope to see you tomorrow.
And as always —remember…..
Love lives.
If this episode was helpful, please share it with a widowed friend. And remember that I believe
in you, and I’m here for you. Take care.
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If you’ve found this podcast helpful, join me for The Path to Purpose, my free webinar. It’s
free, and the link is in the show notes.
