Episode 150: Foundations for Moving Forward for the newly widowed
2/11/26
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You are listening to the Life Reconstructed podcast with me, Teresa Amaral Beshwate, grief
expert, best-selling author and widow. I’m so glad you’re here because in this and every
episode, I shine a light on the widowed way forward.
Hello and welcome to episode 150. In this episode, I share three foundational concepts that help
widowed people stop fighting their grief, understand what’s really happening, and move forward
without letting go of love. Whether you’re newly widowed or years in, this episode offers
clarity and direction.
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Today’s episode is especially for you if you are in your first year after losing your spouse.
And it’s also for you if more time has passed—but you feel stuck, frustrated, or wonder why life
still feels so heavy.
This episode offers 3 important foundations.
Not doing more.
Not trying harder.
Not fixing yourself.
Just three core concepts that, when understood, make everything else make more sense—and make
forward movement possible in a way that honors your person and yourself.
Let’s keep this simple.
Concept #1: Unlearn the Myths
Most widowed people are suffering—not because they’re grieving wrong—but because they’re
measuring themselves against myths.
So let’s clear a few of those out.
There are no stages of grief that you’re supposed to move through in order.
Grief is not linear.
It’s not categorical.
You don’t graduate from one phase into the next.
Time doesn’t heal.
Time alone doesn’t do the work—intentionality does.
You don’t experience your “year of firsts” neatly within one calendar year.
Some firsts sneak up on you later.
Some repeat themselves.
Some you see coming, and other you don’t.
And you do not have to let your person go.
You do not have to “move on.”
Your relationship continues—it simply changes.
And if you’ve ever thought,
“I should be further along by now,”
or
“Why does this still hurt like this?”
Please hear this clearly:
You are not doing this wrong.
When you stop judging yourself against myths, you reclaim a tremendous amount of energy.
Concept #2: Learn the Truths
Here’s one of the most important truths I teach:
Grieving is learning.
You are learning yourself, now.
Your nervous system.
Your limits.
Your energy.
Your needs.
Please don’t spend your limited energy trying to become who you were before.
That person no longer exists. Get to know who you are, now.
And here’s another truth—one that can sting:
Some people who promised they’d be there…aren’t.
They disappear.
They don’t know what to say.
They move on faster than you can.
If this has happened to you, don’t take it personally. It happens to almost every widowed person
I’ve ever met.
And the opposite can be true—other people show up.
Grief-savvy people. It can come as a surprise.
These are people who don’t rush you.
People who don’t try to fix you.
People who make you feel seen and understood.
Your relationships will change.
That doesn’t mean you’re failing.
It means you’re living through something that changes you.
And another truth I want you to hear today:
It won’t always hurt like this.
That doesn’t mean you’ll stop loving.
It doesn’t mean you’ll forget.
It means the pain will stop dominating every corner of your life. In it’s place, you’ll begin to
feel more love.
Concept #3: Pain Is Different Than Suffering
This distinction matters more than almost anything else.
There is the wound—the loss itself.
And then there is the salt.
The salt is what we add:
Self-criticism
Unrealistic expectations
Comparing ourselves to others
Telling ourselves we’re broken
Telling ourselves we should be “over this”
The wound deserves care.
The salt creates suffering.
When you learn to spot the salt—and stop pouring it—you can finally tend to the wound
effectively.
This is not about eliminating pain.
It’s about reducing unnecessary suffering.
And that is something you can learn.
If you are newly widowed, or if you feel unsure how to move forward without betraying your love,
I want you to know this:
You don’t need more time.
You don’t need to be tougher.
You don’t need to do this alone.
You need the right framework, the right tools, and support.
On February 13, I’m hosting a Webinar for newly widowed people - those in the first 12 months or
so- where I’ll go deeper into these foundations and show you what actually helps in the early
months—and beyond. If you’re beyond the first year, but feel stuck, you are welcome to join.
If today’s episode resonated, that’s your sign.
You can learn more and save your seat by clicking the link in the show notes.
You are not behind.
You are not broken.
You are learning how to live again—on your terms.
And I’ll walk alongside you.
If this episode was helpful, please share it with a widowed friend. And remember that I believe
in you, and I’m here for you. Take care.
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If you’ve found this podcast helpful, join my on February 13th, 2026 for What Newly Widowed
People Need to Know. Join by clicking the link in the show notes.
