Episode 149:
2/4/25
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You are listening to the Life Reconstructed podcast with me, Teresa Amaral Beshwate, grief
expert, best-selling author and widow. I’m so glad you’re here because in this and every
episode, I shine a light on the widowed way forward.
Hello and welcome to episode 149. This episode is a sneak peek into my new book, Time Doesn’t
Heal: Why High Achieving Widowed People Feel Stuck and How to Rebuild a Meaningful Life. It’s a
culmination of the lessons I’ve learned in helping thousands of widowed people, and I know it
will help you, too.
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This episode is a special one for me, because it’s being released right as my new book becomes
available. Today, I want to talk about why I wrote it, who it’s for, and share the heart of the
message behind it.
Over my years of helping widowed people—and through reflecting on my own widowed journey—I began
to notice a clear pattern.
High-achieving people tend to struggle more with the loss of a spouse.
By high-achieving, I mean the people who get things done. You dot the i’s and cross the t’s. You
set goals, create timelines, make plans, take action, and check the box. You’re dependable.
Other people rely on you. You know how to figure things out.
And that’s exactly why this is so disorienting.
It sounds counterintuitive, doesn’t it? That capable, driven, accomplished people would struggle
the most when the unthinkable happens.
But there are very specific reasons for this—and those reasons are why I wrote my new book, Time
Doesn’t Heal: Why High-Achieving Widowed People Feel Stuck and How to Rebuild a Meaningful Life.
Here’s the truth.
High-achieving widowed people get stuck—and often stay stuck—not because they’re doing grief
wrong, but because they’ve never done THIS before.
The traits and tools that have always worked so well for you do not work with grief.
Grief doesn’t respond to productivity.
It doesn’t respond to timelines.
It doesn’t respond to willpower, grit, or pushing harder.
And that is incredibly frustrating.
What’s needed now is new knowledge.
New tools.
New skills.
Grieving is learning.
And I know—you didn’t sign up for this class. This is a course you never wanted to take. But
here we are.
Grieving is learning, and it’s also unlearning what you thought you knew about grief.
We’re all products of a not-grief-savvy society, so it makes sense that we believe the most
common myths: that time heals, that there’s a timeline, that you should be further along by now.
And then we turn those myths on ourselves.
That’s one of the biggest ways high achievers get stuck.
We kick ourselves because our former self hasn’t re-emerged yet. That’s who we identify with.
That’s who we believe ourselves to be.
But death didn’t only change your person.
Death changed you, too.
The task at hand isn’t to become who you were. The task is to realize that former you is no more
—and to get acquainted with who you are today.
And just like learning anything new, curiosity is essential.
But high achievers are quick to become self-critical. This is another way we get stuck and stay
stuck.
Because self-criticism and curiosity have an inverse relationship.
When self-criticism is high, curiosity is low—and when curiosity is low, learning is impossible.
When curiosity is high, self-criticism quiets down—and that’s when growth happens.
Psychologist Carl Rogers said it beautifully:
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
So here’s the takeaway:
Curiosity is king.
Self-criticism is kryptonite.
And you need new tools for a situation no one could have prepared you for.
A horse trainer I follow, Clinton Anderson, often says, “Frustration begins where knowledge
ends.”
That’s true with horses.
And it’s true with grief.
If you feel stuck and frustrated, it doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you don’t yet have the
right tools.
My hope is that you’ll refuse to be mean to yourself. That you’ll get curious. That you’ll learn
the truth about grief, learn your current self, learn the tools you need now, and unlearn the
myths that keep you suffering.
That’s what Time Doesn’t Heal offers.
This book is for you if you feel stuck and frustrated.
It’s for you if you refuse to be the person five years from now saying, “It never got better.”
It’s for you if you want to create a meaningful life that honors your person and yourself.
And it’s for you if you crave a proven, practical, and comprehensive way forward.
There’s also a companion journal, so you can apply what you’re learning.
And I hope you’ll take it one step further and sign up for the free Time Doesn’t Heal course.
Inside the course, you’ll find guided meditations, additional journal prompts, deeper exercises,
expert guidance, and a community of like-minded people who are reading and learning alongside
you. You can ask questions, share insights, and apply what you’re learning in your daily life—
together.
I know you’ll find the help you need.
Thank you for being here—and for refusing to give up on yourself.
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If this episode was helpful, please share it with a widowed friend. And remember that I believe
in you, and I’m here for you. Take care.
If you’ve found this podcast helpful, get my new book today, on Amazon or Audible. Also get the
accompanying journal on Amazon and join us inside the free course to help you apply what you’re
learning, get expert support, and interact with a community of like-minded peers. The links are
in the show notes.
