Episode 146: The Wedding Ring Question, Answered
1/14/26
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You are listening to the Life Reconstructed podcast with me, Teresa Amaral Beshwate, grief
expert, best-selling author and widow. I’m so glad you’re here because in this and every
episode, I shine a light on the widowed way forward.
Hello and welcome to episode 146. In this episode, I’m answering a question I get often, which
is about the wedding ring. When is it okay to take it off? Is it okay to continue to wear it?
There are myths and truths and stories we tell ourselves and it’s all extra painful, on top of
an already heavy load. So today I’m offering a fresh perspective to help.
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To get right to the point, you get to decide whether to continue to wear your wedding ring or
not. No one gets to decide but you. Because they’re your rings. It’s your person, it’s your
marriage. No one gets to tell you how to do this.
People have opinions, which they’re either sharing with you directly or whispering about to
others. But those people who don’t walk in your shoes. You may need to let them be wrong about
you.
But it is useful to consider what other people might think/say. It’s a useful question to ask
yourself. Because what you’re worried that they will think is very likely what you’re thinking
yourself. Even if it’s a just a small part of you. So this is a chance to see your own thoughts,
and hold them up to the light and decide if they’re worth keeping.
Our brains are meaning making machines, so we want to watch out for the stories we tell
ourselves. If you take your rings off, your brain may suggest that that means you’re letting
your person go, moving on, or over it. That you’re disrespecting your person, your love, your
marriage. Or that you must not love them anymore.
Or, if you continue to wear your rings, your brain might offer you that it’s a way to hold on,
it means you’re stuck in the past, and failing at grief.
Be on the lookout for any story your brain is offering you about your wedding ring. And know
that it’s just a story, made up of (probably) unexamined thoughts that your brain is offering
you. Because that’s what brains do, is offer thoughts.
We humans get to think about what we think about. And then we get to choose to think true-to-us,
useful and kind thoughts, on purpose.
Remember the days when the radio stations played whatever songs they played, and sometimes you
liked the song and sometimes you didn’t? Or you bought an entire album or CD but you only liked
a few songs and not the rest?
And then came the day of streaming music when you could make your own playlist of your favorite
songs.
So today, we listen to a new song, and then we decide if it should have a place on our playlist.
And that’s what I’m suggesting you do with your thoughts. Listen to what your brain is offering
you, and then decide if it deserves a place on your thought playlist.
Here’s how I suggest you decide: Is it true? Is is serving you? Is it kind? If you can answer
“yes” to each of those, add it to your thought playlist, and play it often.
Taking off your wedding ring is not an irreversible decision. It’s something you can test. Take
it off for a minute, or an hour. See how you feel. Notice what thoughts your brain offers you.
Then put it back on.
Also, think about your experience of wearing it? How does that feel? What thoughts does your
brain offer you?
You can give yourself a timeline and then revisit the decision.
Take it off permanently if that’s what’s best for you.
Or wear it forever if that’s what’s best for you.
Or wear it sometimes.
My friend and widow mentor Sari remarried, and showed me her lovely vintage wedding ring, which
she wears right alongside her wedding ring from her late husband. And it’s beautiful. Wearing
her original wedding ring didn’t prevent her from meeting and eventually marrying again. For
her, wearing both rings is a way of honoring both loves, and integrating her late husband into
her life.
Our brains like to offer us “either/or” scenarios. But often, especially in life after the loss
of a spouse, it’s more like “both/and.”
I wear my wedding ring sometimes. Sometimes I choose to wear it on my left hand, sometimes on my
right. I sometimes wear his wedding ring on a chain around my neck, and other times it feels
heavy. I don’t make any of it mean anything about me, my loss, my love for him, or anything else
for that matter. All it means is that that day, I wore it because I wanted to. Or not. It can be
that simple.
There’s no one right or wrong way, only your way, on your terms, on your timeline.
No matter if you wear your wedding ring or not, love lives.
If this episode was helpful, share it with a widowed friend. And remember that I believe in you,
and I’m here for you. Take care.
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Friends, I wrote a new book and I’m excited to share it with you. It’s called Time Doesn’t Heal:
Why High Achieving Widowed People Feel Stuck and How to Rebuild a Meaningful Life. Get first-to-
know release information by clicking the link in the show notes.
https://www.thesuddenwidowcoach.com/tdh-waitlist
