Episode 145: Why January Feels Heavy and Tips to Help
1/7/26
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You are listening to the Life Reconstructed podcast with me, Teresa Amaral Beshwate, grief
expert, best-selling author and widow. I’m so glad you’re here because in this and every
episode, I shine a light on the widowed way forward.
Hello and welcome to episode 145. In this episode, I break down why January can feel extra
heavy, and I offer tips to help. Plus I invite you to my upcoming webinar where I’ll dive deeper
and offer long term supports.
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It’s early January — a brand new year — and yet for so many widowed people, it feels heavier
than ever. You powered through the holidays. You told yourself, “If I just make it past
Christmas… January will be easier.” But here you are — and grief feels just as present. Maybe
even more so.
If you’re listening to this and thinking, “I feel frustrated, like I should be further along by
now,” then this episode is especially for you.
If you’re a natural planner — someone who used to set goals, make checklists, and execute until
something was done — grief can feel like the one thing you can’t figure out.
If you’re like me and my clients, we respond to challenge with strategy: deadlines, to-do lists,
measurable progress. That’s familiar. And it has always worked.
But the loss of a spouse is different. That’s grief that doesn’t move according to any schedule.
Grief doesn’t check off boxes. It’s not linear or categorical and it doesn’t care about your
expectations for January 1.
And when you try to take on a “New Year, new you” mindset — which might have worked for weight
loss, better habits, or career milestones — well, spoiler alert, you end up spinning. It brings
self-criticism, frustration, and a sense of failure. Clearly no forward progress.
Grief doesn’t follow our calendars. Time, in and of itself, doesn’t heal. Healing happens with
intention, supportive tools, expert guidance and a supportive community. Not with a date change.
Part of the reason why January can feel extra heavy is that we expect grief to respond to the
calendar. So please do not use the calendar against yourself. That only adds to the burden, and
it’s unnecessary.
And there’s another reason January can feel harder: when most of the world is looking forward,
setting goals, and wrapping themselves in optimism, you’re reminded of what’s missing.
Your person isn’t physically here to plan the year, to celebrate with. And it’s not just the
planning, it’s the everyday, the person who cares about the mundane, day to day, life. There’s
no companion in the everyday. The one person you wished would be there for this moment isn’t
here. And the truth is that most people in your life will not understand the full impact of
that, so there’s a layer of loneliness.
And everywhere you turn — social media, ads, magazines — you’re hit with the message: New year,
new you! People are optimistic, feeling hopeful about the future, and setting goals. And while
that used to be you, it’s most definitely not you now.
It’s a surreal existence for a widowed person. And it’s no wonder the new year can pack a punch.
I want you to know that there are tools that actually help.
Here are three gentle shifts that make a big difference:
1. Move from “should” to what’s real
The phrase “I should be better by now” silently sets you up for shame. Instead, try: “I’m doing
what I can with the energy I have today.” That shift will help you to rewire the inner critic
into a compassionate companion.
2. Replace strategic planning with energy-aware planning
Instead of asking, “What can I accomplish this year?” ask: “What’s my energy level today, and
how do I need to recharge my batteries?” Small, consistent actions matter more in grief than
grand goals.
3. Recognize that grief is real — and not a failure
Grief doesn’t mean you’re weak or stuck or failing. It means you love deeply. It’s something you
live with and learn to carry, not something that magically goes away on January 1.
These aren’t quick fixes. They’re skills — skills you build over time, with intention and
support.
Invitation: Join the Webinar
Which brings me to a special opportunity. On Friday, January 9th at noon pacific time I’m
hosting a free webinar titled:
🎤 New Year, Same Grief: Why January Feels Heavier Than Expected — and What Actually Helps.
We’ll dive into all of this more deeply:
Why grief doesn’t automatically fade with a new date
How internal pressure and unrealistic expectations make grief feel heavier
How to reframe societal messages like “new year, new you” with self-compassion
Practical tools that are realistic and doable for high achievers
And you’ll walk away with a simple, practical monthly calendar/journal to help you navigate the
year ahead with gentleness instead of pressure
This isn’t about getting over grief. It’s about equipping you with tools that actually help, and
giving you support — not another self-improvement checklist.
If you want community, tools, and support — and you’re tired of telling yourself “I should be
further along…” — I’d love for you to join me. Head to the link in the show notes to register
for the webinar. Even if you can’t attend live, register anyway and I’ll send you the replay.
Please share this with someone who needs to hear it.
Thanks for listening. I’ll see you in the webinar — and on the path forward. And remember that I
believe in you, and I’m here for you. Take care.
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https://www.thesuddenwidowcoach.com/new-year-same-grief
