Episode 144: The Myths We Carry — A Widowed Way Forward into the New Year
12/31/25
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You are listening to the Life Reconstructed podcast with me, Teresa Amaral Beshwate, grief
expert, best-selling author and widow. I’m so glad you’re here because in this and every
episode, I shine a light on the widowed way forward.
Hello and welcome to episode 144. In this episode, I take aim at 4 common grief myths, because I
don’t want you to carry them into a New Year. Plus, I offer a specific mindset shift as you step
into 2026 - I know it will help.
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Hello and welcome back. I’m so grateful you’re here with me today, on the very last day of the
year. I remember this day being incredibly painful in my early years - maybe you can relate. If
so, this episode will help.
It’s about the myths we carry — the hidden scripts in our minds that make grief feel heavier,
more permanent, and more isolating than it already is. And I want to help you set down some of
that unnecessary burden as we enter a new calendar year — not by glossing over your pain — but
by seeing it clearly and with compassion.
1. Myth: There’s a “right” way to grieve
Many widowed people tell me they feel like they’re doing grief wrong. They look at the calendar
and think: “By this point, I should feel better.” Or: “I shouldn’t still be crying.” But here’s
the truth — there’s no owner’s manual for grief, and there’s no checklist you’re supposed to
complete by a certain date. Healing isn’t linear. It doesn’t look the same from one person to
the next — and that’s okay.
Grief changes your brain, and it changes you. You are not the same person you were before loss —
and that’s not a failure. It comes with the territory of losing a spouse. You’re not doing it
wrong. You’re doing your best in the worst of circumstances. You’re doing it your way, on your
terms, on your timeline. You don’t need to validate that with anyone but yourself.
2. Myth: You have to “move on” or “get over it”
Society likes to simplify grief into steps: shock, denial, acceptance. But grief isn’t a journey
with a finish line where you suddenly wake up and feel “normal” again.
You don’t leave your person in the past. You integrate them into your present. Some people do
that by keeping photos out, speaking their name aloud, laughing at their memory, or weaving
rituals into everyday life that honor their person.
The question isn’t “When will this be over?”
It’s “How can I learn to tend to my grief, to gain strength so I can carry it well?”
3. Myth: Grief is your only connection to your person
So often I hear: “If I stopped grieving, I’d lose them entirely.” But that’s not true.
Grief isn’t the sole bridge to your person’s presence in your life. Love is. And love doesn’t
disappear just because the pain changes shape. Over time — and with intention — you may notice
that sadness still shows up, but so does gratitude. Or a warm memory, or a sense of peace you
didn’t expect.
Grief shrinks — not because it stops existing — but because it becomes one part of a much larger
narrative of love. Love lives, so your story continues.
4. Myth: Time heals all wounds
This one is everywhere. We tell ourselves that if enough months pass, the sharp edges of grief
will dull by themselves.
But here’s what I’ve learned — and I see it in my clients every day:
Time does not heal. Intentionality does.
Grief doesn’t magically evaporate as the calendar turns. Healing happens when you choose to look
at your thoughts — the ones that tell you you’re failing, the ones that whisper you’re stuck,
and the ones that say you should be “further along.”
When you bring intention to those thoughts — when you shine a light on them — you regain power
over how your grief shapes your life.
Finally, I want to offer a quick practical tool: A New Year’s mindset shift
As the clock ticks into the new year tonight, I want to offer you a simple mindset shift that
doesn’t minimize your loss — but makes space for your continued healing:
Instead of saying
“I’m leaving him in the past.”
Say
“I carry him forward into a New Year.”
Instead of saying
“This year I will be healed.”
Say
“This year I will be intentional with my grief.”
You don’t have to be “done.” There’s no such thing. You DO get to be present, honest, and
compassionate with yourself. You get to practice intentional steps forward — not rushed, not
forced — just chosen, intentional steps, on purpose.
Final Thoughts
If there’s one thing I want you to take from this episode, it’s this:
Grief isn’t something to outrun — it’s something to live alongside with courage, curiosity, and
care.
You don’t have to DIY this journey alone. And you don’t have to believe the myths that make it
harder than it already is.
I believe in you. I see you. And I’m walking with you into this new year — step by intentional
step.
If this episode helped you, please share it with a widowed friend who might need it too. And
remember — love lives.
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If you’d like extra help starting the New Year, join me for my upcoming webinar called New Year,
Same Grief. It’s happening on Friday, January 9th at noon pacific time. If you can’t attend
live, register anyway and I’ll send you the replay. It’s free, and the link to sign up is in the
show notes.
https://www.thesuddenwidowcoach.com/new-year-same-grief
