Episode 143: When Christmas Feels Heavy: A Way Forward
12/25/25
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You are listening to the Life Reconstructed podcast with me, Teresa Amaral Beshwate, grief
expert, best-selling author and widow. I’m so glad you’re here because in this and every
episode, I shine a light on the widowed way forward.
Hello and welcome to episode 143. If this Christmas Day feels heavy, you’re not doing it wrong.
You’re learning to live without your person’s physical presence, and that takes practice,
tenderness, and permission to feel what you feel. Today, let’s take things one breath at a time,
together.
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Hello, friends. Welcome back. I’m so glad you’re here — especially today, on December 25. If
you’re listening now, maybe the day feels heavy. Maybe it feels different. Or maybe it feels …
empty.
Whatever you’re feeling, I want you to know this: if today weighs heavy, you are not doing it
wrong.
It doesn’t matter how long it’s been since your person passed — holidays have a way of reopening
wounds, stirring memories, and shining a light on loss.
Feeling sad, tired, overwhelmed, or even numb today does NOT mean you’re failing. It means
you’re human — and you love your person love deeply.
So today, I invite you to take one breath. Then another. Focus on the next breath. Because
that’s a great way to navigate this day— one breath at a time.
It’s also okay to be okay
If you’re experiencing moments of light today — a small laugh, a memory that makes you smile, a
glimmer of good — that’s okay too.
In fact: it’s more than okay — it’s healing. Healing is making your way to the place where you
remember with more joy and less pain. Let yourself soak up those slivers of goodness. Joy and
sorrow can, and often do, coexist.
Feeling peace or pleasure doesn’t mean you’ve “moved on.” It means your heart is gaining
capacity to hold all of it — grief and hope.
Let’s talk about the Coexistence of Comfort and Pain
Understand: on days like today — and many more days — comfortable feelings will likely sit
alongside uncomfortable ones. That might look like laughing at a memory, then suddenly being hit
by a wave of longing. That might look like enjoying the warmth of a meal, while simultaneously
feeling tears form.
That’s the way of it. Grief doesn’t follow neat lines. It doesn’t ask permission to show up.
It’s all normal. It’s all valid. You get to feel however you feel.
Remember to Listen to Your Energy — Check Your Batteries
Holidays come with pressure: family dinners, gifts, social events, making it through the day.
But this year — give yourself permission to pause.
Ask yourself: How much do I really want or need to do today? Where is my energy going?
It’s okay to opt out. It’s okay to decline invitations. It’s okay to simplify. Maybe you go to
part of a gathering — or maybe you stay wrapped in a blanket at home with a cup of tea.
Protecting your energy isn’t selfish. It’s self-preservation. The choices you make for today are
only the choices you make for today - not for every holiday to come.
And how about Navigating Social Situations & Conversations….
Sometimes people around you don’t understand. Some might say hurtful things, or expect you to
“be fine.” You don’t owe anyone a perfect performance. But having a few phrases ready can help —
gentle phrases that protect you without burning bridges. For example:
“I don’t expect you to understand what this is like for me.”
“No, I’m not ‘over it’ — I’m learning to carry it.”
“I’m doing my best, and every day that looks different.”
You don’t have to over-explain. You don’t have to justify your grief. A simple, honest phrase
can be enough.
Don’t forget to Rest and Recharge — … and Debrief
After the day ends, give yourself permission to rest. Even if you “made it through.” Even if
others were impressed with how “well” you did. Your feelings still matter.
Plan a debrief — maybe by journaling, maybe by talking with someone you trust. Ask yourself:
What went well today? What felt okay? What felt too difficult or too much? What might I do
differently next holiday?
This kind of self-reflection — gentle, compassionate — can help you learn what works, what
doesn’t, and what helps you move forward — at your pace, on your terms. Remember, no self-
criticism, only curious observation.
A Holiday Gift to Yourself (and Them)
If you have the capacity, you might do something small in honor of your person. Maybe light a
candle, look at a photo, play a favorite song, or share a memory with someone who understands.
These small, intentional acts can help you feel connected to your person.
But if that feels like too much — that’s okay too. You don’t have to “do” anything. Today, the
most important act is kindness toward yourself.
If you’re feeling heavy today — if grief creeps in, unannounced — remember: you’re not doing it
wrong. You’re surviving, you’re breathing, you’re tending to your grief.
And if peace visits you for a moment — if you find yourself smiling at a memory or enjoying the
laughter of your family— lean into it. Let those light moments exist alongside the sorrow.
You are doing the best you can. And make no mistake, that is enough.
If this episode was helpful, please share it with a widowed friend. And remember that I believe
in you, and I’m here for you. Take care.
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If you’ve found this podcast helpful, my best-selling book, also called Life Reconstructed, will help even more. It’s now available on Audible, or in paperback, plus there’s an accompanying journal to help you apply what you learn. Links are in the show notes.
