Episode 142: Strategic Holiday Planning: Christmas Parties & Traditions
12/17/25
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You are listening to the Life Reconstructed podcast with me, Teresa Amaral Beshwate, grief
expert, best-selling author and widow. I’m so glad you’re here because in this and every
episode, I shine a light on the widowed way forward.
Hello and welcome to episode 142. This episode is all about practical planning—how to approach
Christmas parties, gatherings, and traditions in a way that honors your energy and your grief.
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Welcome back to the podcast. In last week’s episode, I shared four December truths that can help
make this season easier. To recap,
Truth #1: You’ve never walked through this December before, so you get to be a beginner, no
matter how long ago your person passed.
Truth #2: There is no single “right” way to grieve your person.
Truth #3: The choices you make this December are only for this December—not forever.
Truth #4: Your choices are not a report card on how well you’re grieving.
Those truths matter, because today we’re shifting into planning—practical, strategic planning
for Christmas parties and holiday traditions. Episode 143, coming next week, will focus on
actually getting through the hard days themselves—Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. But today is
all about preparing, thinking ahead, setting yourself up for as much ease as possible. This is
for you if it’s your first Christmas, or your fifth or your 10th without your person.
So let’s dive in.
Planning Matters for Widowed Peopled….
And it’s not about perfection. It’s about protecting your limited energy.
It’s about reducing surprise pain.
It’s about reclaiming a sense of agency when so much feels uncontrollable.
And because the holiday season carries memories, expectations, invitations, and emotional
landmines, planning is incredibly valuable and helpful.
Most widowed people feel pressure—pressure to show up, pressure to “be okay,” pressure to be who
they were before. People may expect you to function like the version of you they’ve always
known. But the you who is walking through this December is different. And that’s the way of it.
Planning lets you honor the current version of yourself—the one who’s doing the best she can in
a profoundly difficult season.
Let’s talk specifically about planning for Christmas parties
Christmas parties—office parties, neighborhood gatherings, family events—can be draining even
under the best circumstances. So let’s walk through strategic planning steps that support your
energy, your nervous system, and your grief. I want to offer 6 considerations specifically for
Christmas gatherings.
1. Start With Your Calendar, Not Anyone’s Expectations
When you’re invited, simply say, “Let me check and I’ll get back to you.” Then, check in with
yourself:
Look at your calendar.
Look at your energy levels for the week.
Look at what else is happening emotionally or logistically.
Ask yourself:
“Does attending this support me—or deplete me?”
You are allowed to decline anything that feels like too much.
2. Here are some things to consider with every invitation.
Emotional cost: Will this event be difficult or overwhelming?
Support level: Will you be with people who understand you—or people who won’t?
Exit strategy: Can you leave early?
Energy cost: How much effort is required (dress code, drive time, gifts, hosting)?
If the cost is high and support is low, that’s useful information.
3. Reduce the Time Commitment
You can attend part of a gathering.
You can arrive late or leave early.
Thirty minutes counts as attending.
Five minutes counts as attending.
A shorter stay is not failure.
It’s wise management of your limited energy.
4. Pre-Plan Your Responses
Having go-to phrases reduces stress. Some examples:
“Thank you for the invitation. I’m taking things one day at a time this season, so I may need to
leave early.”
“I would love to stop by briefly.”
“This year I’m keeping things simple. Thank you for understanding.”
“I won’t be able to attend, but I appreciate being included.”
Prep phrases now so you’re not scrambling later. And remember, never accept an invitation on the
spot. Reply with, “Let me check and get back to you.”
5. Confirm Your Exit Strategy
This is crucial.
You are allowed to leave anytime you need to.
Plan in advance:
Where you’ll park
What you’ll say if you need to go
Whether you want your own transportation
Whether you’d like a friend to be on standby
It’s important that you don’t feel stuck for hours. Planning your exit gives you freedom.
6. Consider Bringing a Support Person
A trusted friend can be helpful.
You don’t need to suffer through awkward moments or insensitive or intrusive questions alone.
Now, let’s talk about planning Christmas traditions
Traditions can be comforting, heavy, or both. They can bring connection or they can feel
unbearably painful. So let’s approach traditions with intention instead of autopilot. Here are
six tips on this topic.
1. List the Traditions You Usually Do
This includes:
Decorating
Putting up a tree
Baking
Watching certain movies
Attending church services
Gift exchanges
Family rituals
Volunteering
Write them down. Then evaluate them one by one.
2. Sort each one into one of 3 categories
Keep it – because it genuinely brings comfort or meaning.
Modify it – adjust it to something gentler, simpler, or shorter.
Skip it – just for this year.
Remember:
Skipping for this December doesn’t eliminate it forever.
It just means you’re honoring yourself today.
3. Simplify Everything
If a tradition usually takes an hour, can it take ten minutes?
If it requires running multiple errands, can it be done with one click online?
If it usually requires you to host, can someone else host this year?
Your only job is to protect your capacity.
4. Add One Honoring Ritual—If You Want To
Not because you “should,” but because it may bring meaning or steadiness.
Ideas include:
A candle lit for your person
Hanging one meaningful ornament
Setting aside a few quiet minutes alone
Writing a holiday message to your spouse
Choosing a gift your person would have loved and donating it
Invite family and friends to share their favorite story of your spouse.
But if that feels like too much this year, it’s okay not to do any of it.
5. Communicate Expectations Ahead of Time
This reduces pressure and prevents misunderstanding.
Examples:
“This year I’m keeping things simple. Thanks for your patience.”
“I’m not sure how I’ll feel day-of, so I may adjust as needed.”
“I’ll participate in the parts that feel manageable.”
“I may need to leave early - please don’t worry if I do.”
People don’t have to understand you fully; they just need to know the plan.
6. Build in Recovery Time
After a tradition or event, schedule:
A rest day
A quiet morning
Extra time alone
Something grounding like a walk or a warm drink
Holidays consume energy.
Recovery restores it.
Three Strategic Planning Questions
As you move through the rest of December, keep these three questions nearby:
What matters most to me this year?
What feels like too much?
How can I create a season that honors my person and honors me?
These questions lead to clarity rather than confusion, and clarity reduces suffering.
Planning won’t remove all the pain of this season, but it will reduce unnecessary suffering. It
will conserve your energy. It will create space for what truly matters and eliminate what
doesn’t.
And remember: the choices you make now are only for this December.
Once January comes, you can reassess.
You get to evolve as your grief evolves.
Next week, in episode 143, we’ll talk about getting through the actual days—Christmas Eve,
Christmas Day, and the moments that can feel especially raw.
For now, take things one small, strategic step at a time.
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If this episode was helpful, please share it with a widowed friend. And remember that I believe
in you, and I’m here for you. Take care.
If you’ve found this podcast helpful, my best-selling book, also called Life Reconstructed, will
help even more. It’s now available on Audible, or in paperback, plus there’s an accompanying
journal to help you apply what you learn. Links are in the show notes.
