Episode 141: Four December Truths Every Widowed Person Needs to Hear
12/10/25
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You are listening to the Life Reconstructed podcast with me, Teresa Amaral Beshwate, grief
expert, best-selling author and widow. I’m so glad you’re here because in this and every
episode, I shine a light on the widowed way forward.
Hello and welcome to episode 141. In this episode, I share four simple but powerful truths that
can help you move through this month with a beginner’s mindset and a lot more compassion for
yourself. Consider this your permission slip to do December your way.
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Welcome back to the podcast. If you’re listening as this episode is released, we are 10 days
into December, 2025. So it’s a good time, I think, for some straight talk about December. Today
I’m offering four December truths that will help you no matter how many Decembers you’ve
navigated since your person passed. So let’s dive in.
First, you haven’t done this December, yet. You’ve never walked through December, 2025. You’ve
never been THIS exact version of yourself, either. So it’s THIS you, walking through THIS month,
without your person’s physical presence.
I’ve not yet experienced my 14th December, and given that I’ve been learning and growing in the
last year, I’ve also never been this version of myself. So in that sense, we’re all beginners,
and that’s okay. That’s the way of it. If we can adopt a beginner’s mindset, then we can
approach this month with an experimental attitude. We can trial and error our way through it. We
can do our best, know that our best is good enough.
If this is your first December without your spouse, you’re acutely aware that you’ve never done
this before. You’re simply going to do your best and know that it’s messy and that’s the way of
it.
If you’ve got a few Decembers under your belt, you’re still a beginner, so be sure to have that
beginners mindset, because you’re still learning how to do this life, and that’s okay.
So truth #1 is that you haven’t done this December yet, so you’re a beginner, and that’s okay.
Second, there’s not one “right” way to get through December. There’s only your way, on your
terms, on your timeline. People will have opinions, and they’ll probably share them with you.
The degree to which you know that there’s no one “right” way, then you can let people be wrong.
They don’t walk in your shoes. Only you can decide your right way.
So the second truth is that there’s no one “right” way, only your way, on your terms.
Third, what you choose this year is what you choose this year. You get to choose anew each year
whether you want to decorate or not, attend a gathering or not, host a gathering or not, cook a
turkey or not. Just because you’ve always done it a certain way does NOT mean that you have to
do it that way this year. Everything changed, including you. You get to make a new decision each
year. And whatever you choose this year is only what you’re choosing for this year. You’re not
permanently changing traditions. It’s just for now, not forever.
So the third truth is that what you choose for this year, is only for this year.
Finally, what you do and don’t do this year is no indication of how “well” you’re grieving. I
didn’t have a Christmas tree for the first 11 years. I would set out a small nativity scene and
call it a day. That was the extent of my decoration. It helped me focus on what I believe is the
meaning of Christmas. It was a minimalist approach and it worked for me. Last year I did get out
my tree and I was able to go through the ornaments, which felt like a big win. Does that mean I
must have a tree this year? Absolutely not. If I go back to my minimalist nativity decor, that
only indicates my energy level. It says nothing about whether I’m grieving “correctly.” Which,
by the way, there’s no such thing. But because grief is messy and not linear and not
categorical, we search outside of ourselves for clues as to whether we’re doing it “right.” And
in December we might look to our willingness to decorate, attend the gatherings, bake the
favorite pies, and the like. But the truth is that there’s no external sign that you’re doing it
right. Because there’s no such thing as “right.” You’re doing your best in the toughest
situation you’ve likely ever faced.
To recap, truth #1 is that you haven’t ever walked through this December, so we’re all beginners
with beginner mindsets. Truth #2 is that there’s no one “right” way to grieve your person. Truth
#3 is that whatever choices you make this December are only for this December, not forever.
Truth #4 is that the choices you make are no indication of how “well” you’re grieving.
I hope you’re breathing a sigh of relief as you listen to these words. Grief is messy, and
holiday grief is a special type of messy. You’re doing your best in the worst of circumstances,
and your best is all you can do.
In the next episode, I’ll offer some practical and strategic tips to help you plan your season.
In the meantime, if this episode was helpful, please share it with a widowed friend. And
remember that I believe in you, and I’m here for you. Take care.
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If you’ve found this podcast helpful, my best-selling book, also called Life Reconstructed, will
help even more. It’s now available on Audible, or in paperback, plus there’s an accompanying
journal to help you apply what you learn. Links are in the show notes.
