Episode 117 From exhausted to recharged: restoring your energy after loss
6/25/25
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You are listening to the Life Reconstructed podcast with me, Teresa Amaral Beshwate, grief
expert, best-selling author and widow. I’m so glad you’re here because in this and every
episode, I shine a light on the widowed way forward.
Hello and welcome to episode 117. If you’re widowed and feeling constantly drained, this episode
is for you. I share four practical strategies to help you reclaim your energy and feel more like
yourself again.
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Life after losing a spouse is hands down the most exhausting experience I’ve ever had. It felt
like every cell in my body needed recharging. Maybe you can relate.
It’s when you….
Decide what to eat based on how much effort it would take to chew it.
Or when you avoid social interactions because you don’t have an ounce of energy.
When you avoid the pile of paperwork, the dishes, the laundry and the to-do list because you
have only a tiny fraction of energy to get through the very basics of the day- the bare minimum.
It’s when you operate well below your pay grade at work.
It takes energy, after all, to keep up the game face, to interact with people, to figure out how
to live this life that you didn’t sign up for.
And the things that used to charge your batteries don’t seem to work anymore. In my life before
loss, I loved social situations. I loved photography. I loved being busy.
In my life after loss, I avoid many social situations, I could care less about taking pictures,
and the very last thing I want to do is to be busy.
There’s a term for when horses don’t want to leave home - it’s called barn sour. In life after
loss, I understand being barn sour. Not only is my horse barn sour, I am, too.
I’ve come to know myself. But there was a learning curve.
When our person passes, we have to learn ourselves anew. It’s possible that I say this in every
episode, but here it is again: you’re not your former self. Death is that catastrophic. Your
former self is no more. You’re learning who you are, now. What you like and what you don't like.
What charges you batteries and what drains your batteries.
Parts of your former self might re-emerge, and also, they might not.
It’s trial and error, this journey of learning ourselves anew. And the best mindset for it is
curious observation. The more we can be curious and objective, the better we can learn
ourselves. That means not being self-critical, but instead just curious.
It helps to keep a journal of what you did, what you didn’t do, how much or how little energy
you had. What seemed to recharge your batteries, and what drained you.
Other people will expect former you to reemerge. They liked that version of you. They
benefitted, in some way, from that version of you. They don’t know that she’s not going to show
back up. It might help to say, “I don’t know this version of me….I’m learning her.” You’re
learning what she needs, what’s helpful and what isn’t, what she likes and doesn’t like.
My current self needs solitude, silence and nature. She needs time on the back of a horse, and
time with the dogs. There’s a recharging that happens when I get enough of those things.
My need to recharge in those ways means that I say “no” to things that aren’t that, which was
something my former self wasn’t very good at.
Grieving is learning. I’m still learning, over 12 years later. You’re learning, no matter how
long ago your person passed. And there is perhaps nothing more important than learning how to
recharge your batteries.
Maybe it’s travel for you. Or social connections. Or spirituality. Or laughter. Or meditation.
Or yoga. And if you have no idea, that’s okay. You’re not supposed to know yet. It’s time to
experiment. Trial and error. Observe with curiosity. And if you hear yourself criticizing
yourself, stop that. That prevents learning. Be gentle with yourself. Love is the way forward.
So to summarize:
You’re not your former self, and the task at hand is learning yourself, now, and specifically,
what you find exhausting and what you find recharging.
The best way to figure this out is having a mindset of curious observation. Trial and error.
We learn when we’re not criticizing ourselves. Self-criticism prevents curiosity. And what’s
needed most in grief is curiosity.
And, I’ll add a fourth, which is……I invite you to watch my free webinar called How to Have More
Energy: 4 Straight Forward Strategies. It will help you have more energy for what matters most
to you. If you go to:
https://www.thesuddenwidowcoach.com/energy you’ll get instant access.
If this episode was helpful, please share it with a widowed friend. And remember that I believe
in you, and I’m here for you. Take care.
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Be sure to watch my free webinar called How to Have More Energy: 4 Straight Forward Strategies.
I offer a simple approach to recharging your batteries and keeping them charged. Go to
www.thesuddenwidowcoach.com/energy and get instant access. The link is in the show notes.
