You are listening to the Life Reconstructed podcast with me, Teresa Amaral Beshwate, grief expert, best-selling author and widow. I’m so glad you’re here because in this and every episode, I shine a light on the widowed way forward.
Hello and welcome to episode 39. In this episode, I bust the myth that time heals, and share what actually does. And I invite you to make January a milestone month in your journey.
If you’re listening to this episode at the time it’s released, it is late December, 2023, and for many of my listeners, it’s not been an easy year. And you may be hopeful that a New Year will bring some relief. I get it. I hoped for that, too.
But in the spirit of speaking the truth and keeping it real, I want you to know that there is nothing magical about any new day, week, month or year. Meaning that there’s no magic in any increment of time. Time, in and of itself, offers absolutely nothing to the grieving person, or any person.
I’ve had many clients who spend weeks flinching in anticipation of the anniversary of their person’s passing (and I did, too). We tell ourselves, “If I can only get past that day, things will get better.” The truth is that there’s nothing magical about day 366. It’s more of the same.
Have you ever waited for Monday to start a diet, only to find that motivation wanes as the week goes on?
How many times have you set New Year’s resolutions, hoping that January might bring an extra dose of dedication, only to have your goals fizzle by February?
Canadian born author Vern McLellan is quoted as saying, “What the new year brings to you will depend a great deal on what you bring to the new year.”
It’s a good reminder that time, alone, is not the solution. But intentionality practiced over time, is.
By all means, do more of what’s been working for you in the New Year.
But don’t keep doing the same things that are not working, and hope for different results. You know….
Things like judging yourself, kicking yourself and otherwise being unkind to yourself.
Or punishing yourself and holding yourself accountable for your person’s death.
Or not allowing yourself to have moments of happiness, even peace.
I promise you that those are not helping you heal. They are forms of salt that we manufacture and pour into the wound. Let’s leave those behind with 2023. And usher in a year of healing. Of actually tending to the wound.
The New Year can be a milestone in your journey.
The year you learn to be kind and gentle with yourself.
It can be the year that you become your biggest cheerleader instead of your worst critic.
That you take off your game face and get help with how you really feel.
Step off the emotional roller coaster and take control of your emotions.
End the self-sabotage that’s kept you stuck and suffering.
In this new year, you can stop merely existing and learn to truly live again.
Find yourself, and your purpose.
Create a life that honors your person, and helps you find yourself again.
All of that and more is possible for you, no matter if you had a fairytale marriage or if it was complicated. No matter how long ago your person passed. No matter how dark your world seems to be right now.
It all starts with our own thinking. We all have default, well-practiced thoughts that often go unnoticed and unquestioned, that keep us stuck. And we can all think true and useful thoughts, on purpose. Those are the thoughts that get us moving forward.
It’s the thought that counts.
The doors are closing on the January Life Reconstructed coaching program. It’s exclusively for widowed people, and it can help you. I hope you’ll join us and make January a milestone month in your journey. The link is in the show notes. And remember that I’m here for you, and I believe in you. Take care.