Why negative is normal

Dec 16, 2022

Below I share an excerpt from chapter 20 of my best-selling book Life Reconstructed about negativity and why it’s quite natural. In the holiday season, it’s even more important to remember that this is the brain’s natural tendency, and just because we think it does not mean that it’s true.

Human brains are primitive in nature, with the main objective being to keep us alive. Although today we are not likely to be attacked by a tiger, our hardwired brains are always on the lookout, constantly analyzing situations and quickly categorizing that which is safe or dangerous.

So, it’s no surprise that brains are good at finding the negative. Back in the day, the brain had to quickly and efficiently determine whether there was a rock or a snake in the grass. Assuming it was a snake was the better, safer option.

People with brains that were most successful at spotting danger lived to reproduce, so now we are the proud owners of brains that have outstanding ability to spot anything negative.

Now add grief, and you’ve got a traumatized brain operating on overdrive, convinced that danger is everywhere, constantly seeking and readily finding the negative.

This tendency is called negativity bias, and it is nothing more than our primitive brains doing their best to keep us alive.

Luckily, we have other parts of the brain that are more in tune with modern life. The prefrontal cortex can recognize the primitive brain’s focus on the negative, understand why it is happening, and then intentionally change the channel.

We can acknowledge the valiant efforts of the primitive brain and then demand equal airtime for what is right, what is working, what is positive.

Once we recognize our bias toward negativity and understand why we have it, we realize how much control we have over our mindset. We can separate the facts from the thoughts and remember that while thoughts are not always true or useful, they are always 100% optional.

So today, direct your brain to change the channel. What else is true? Where are there glimmers of goodness, even in this life after loss? If you ask your brain to look, it will find them.


And remember you don't have to DIY your grief like I did. It took me six years to find the perfect tools for this uniquely difficult journey. Inside my coaching program exclusively for widowed people, I teach you in six months what took me six years to learn. Simply click below to begin.

Learn more about Life Reconstructed.

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