Why feelings aren't a problem

May 27, 2022

We tend to think about difficult feelings as a problem. Most people are never taught that life is a mix of comfortable and uncomfortable emotions, and that’s the human experience.

If we were taught that feeling uncomfortable emotions was simply part of being alive, well, then the uncomfortable emotions would feel less uncomfortable.

Today we are exposed to the social media posts of friends and family. Do you notice how often you see the word “amazing?” It’s everywhere. Everything is “amazing,” and all the amazingness is accompanied by filtered photos of people basking in the goodness of life.

It’s easy to think that other people get to experience a steady stream of amazingness, while we feel uncertain, lonely and sad. This is true of all the humans, not just the grieving ones.

Losing a spouse brings unprecedented levels of difficult emotions. A client of mine said, “I had no idea that it was possible to hurt like this, that people can actually feel this level of pain and continue to exist.”

I couldn’t agree more.

I lived in fear of the difficult emotions, so I ran. I stayed busy with work and business travel, came home to 10 acres of chores, and then caught the next outbound plane. I didn’t believe that time would heal, but I thought maybe I could outrun it all.

I was wrong. And it took me too many years to figure it out.

Feelings demand to be felt. They wait impatiently for our undivided attention. And if they have to wait too long, they pounce at the most inconvenient times.

We are not taught how to feel difficult feelings, how to be with them, invite them in and feel them fully. This is one of the first things I teach my clients, and they are amazed at the efficiency of this process.

We can spend days, months and years running from difficult feelings, sure, but we’re still experiencing the feeling just a half-step behind us, on the hunt, nipping at our heels.

The alternative is to allow the feeling, to process it fully, until it leaves us. It happens in a matter of minutes.

Feelings are not a problem. In fact, they are the solution.

They are the most efficient way forward. Feelings are meant to be felt. The best way through is, in fact, straight through.

I ran for 6 years until I found the tools that could help me. It’s my life’s work to teach you everything I know in six months. My coaching program called Life Reconstructed is exclusively for widowed people. It’s a short-term investment in you, and the dividends are life-long.

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