What to do about the fixers

Oct 21, 2022

You’ve no doubt encountered the “grief fixers” at various points along your journey. They’re mostly well-intentioned people who genuinely want to believe that you’re doing better. They sound something like:

  • “He wouldn’t want you to be sad.”
  • “You’ve got to start getting out more.”
  • “At least…….”
  • “It’s just like what happened to me when….”
  • “You should do xyz.”

Mostly, these statements are meant to help or normalize grief.

But they fall flat, because what you hear is, “You’re doing it wrong.”

It sounds a lot like invalidating your catastrophic loss.

The truth is that people don’t get it. They don’t get it in exactly the same way that we once didn’t get it. Because until you know, you simply can’t know.

It’s easy to feel frustrated, angry, misunderstood and unseen in these moments. But there is another option.

You can simply expect that they don’t understand.

And from a place of love and kindness, you can say, “I don’t expect you to understand what this is like for me.”

And allow that to be a conversation stopper.

It’s a simple strategy that works incredibly well.

Practice it often, and speak it as much as necessary, even multiple times in the same conversation if needed. Acknowledge their good intentions, and then allow them to be exactly as misinformed as they are.

And then find someone who does get it:

  • Who can see you exactly as you are.
  • Who doesn’t attempt to coax you into what they think should be the next phase of your healing.
  • Who has walked the journey firsthand and found a way forward.
  • Who can offer you the most effective tools for the journey.

That’s what we do inside of Life Reconstructed, the program I created exclusively for those who have lost a spouse.

You'll feel seen and understood. You will find your way forward on your terms. You will find yourself and start living on purpose.

It’s the perfect blend of private and group coaching, plus on demand access to the tools that can change everything. If you’re ready to invest in yourself and reap lifelong dividends, simply click below and let’s begin.

Simply click here and we'll see if it's a fit.

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