If grief were a highway

If the most efficient way through grief was akin to driving on a highway, I personally spent lots of time on offramps, cul-de-sacs and dirt roads, spinning in circles and hoping I could somehow avoid it all.

There’s no such thing as speed grieving. And there is no one “right” way to grieve. But there are efficient ways forward, something like staying on the highway.

How do you know if you’re on the highway or spinning out on a dirt road?

Staying on the highway is to:

• Regularly reorient yourself to your new reality.
• Process the difficult feelings.
• Allow people to be exactly as they are.
• Don’t believe everything you think.

Spinning out on dirt roads is to:

• Attempt to outrun the pain by staying busy.
• Attempt to numb the pain with “over-ing” i.e. overeating, overdrinking, over-Netflixing, overspending, etc.
• Hold yourself responsible for your spouse’s death.
• Allow your thoughts to go unexamined.
• Judge yourself, kick yourself and otherwise treat yourself terribly.

There is no owner’s manual for losing a spouse, and there are no grief police to tell you that you’re doing it wrong. There is also no one handing out grades, so it’s not possible to get an A, or an F.

The only “right” way is your way, on your terms, on your timeline.

Time, in and of itself, does not heal. But intentionality does.

If you need a GPS to get you back on the highway, Life Reconstructed, my coaching program exclusively for widowed people can help. Simply click below to learn more.