How time can actually stall healingFeb 03, 2023
The old adage “time heals” is a platitude most widowed people have heard on repeat. It’s hardly a comfort during long, quiet weekends. And it’s also a myth – it just isn’t true.
In fact, the opposite can be true.
Time can actually stall healing.
The more time we have to think the same thoughts, the more those thoughts become beliefs. Then the brain searches for further evidence that our beliefs are true, and blocks any evidence to the contrary.
And we act according to our beliefs. (Case in point, you probably brushed your teeth today. You didn’t give it any thought at all, you just did it. Why? Because you believe that it’s good for you.)
My own thoughts were:
If I’m not miserable, then I didn’t love him enough.
I can’t forgive myself for not saving him.
I’m don’t know who I am now.
The longer I thought those thoughts, the more they seemed true, and the deeper I felt stuck.
No one ever teaches us that not all of our thoughts are true, especially in life after loss.
We don’t learn to observe our own thoughts objectively, and then decide whether each thought is both true and useful.
Now there is no right or wrong way to grieve. It’s easy to operate based on default, unexamined thoughts. The control we have is to examine our own thinking.
Because it’s the examined thoughts that will take you where you want to go: the true and useful thoughts. They are your fuel to create a life you will love.
What beliefs are directing your path, and is that where you want to go?
If you think you’re headed in the wrong direction, join us inside of Life Reconstructed, my coaching program exclusively for widowed people. It’s a perfect blend of private and group coaching, and the most life changing tools for the uniquely difficult widowed journey. You don’t have to do this alone. Simply click below to begin.
Learn more about Life Reconstructed.
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