Bridges to new thinking

Apr 24, 2020

Many of us widows have often thought that we will never make it through this darkness. We can’t possibly imagine that the intense, soul shattering pain will ever subside; that it won’t always hurt like this. The darkness is so incredibly dark that we simply can’t see any possibility.  

We hear helpful advice from fellow widows such as “just breathe,” and “just get through this minute,” and “I promise you the pain will change over time and become more bearable.”  

It’s nice to have the support of people who are further along in the widowed journey. Their words can be a beacon of hope, and their survival an example of what is possible.  

I believe that if we have a pulse, we have a purpose. Over time, as we tend to our grief, process our emotions and take lots of small steps, we can decide to slowly reconstruct our life. We can even decide to make the next chapter of our life (albeit one we never wanted) an incredible journey.  

While that idea might sound appealing, perhaps right now those thoughts are much too far away. That’s completely understandable. Sometimes a bridge thought can help our minds open up to possibilities. Here are a few bridge thoughts: I’m seeking evidence that my next chapter can be happy. I’m learning that my future can be a good one. It’s possible that my life after loss can be meaningful. I’m open to believing that my future is filled with purpose. I’m becoming a person who believes in herself. I’m considering that I can live enough for the both of us.  

While these may not be the right thoughts for you, perhaps some version of them might be worth trying on for size. Choose to think the thought, decide if you believe it, and then notice how it makes you feel.  

Like all things, if bridge thoughts don’t work for you right now, simply leave them right where you found them and move on.  

Know that I’m here for you.  

Teresa Amaral Beshwate, MPH, The Sudden Widow Coach, helps widows who have experienced the sudden loss of their spouse or significant other learn to live and love their life again. Her coaching program is exclusively for widowed people and offers the perfect mix of private and group coaching along with the most life changing tools for the uniquely challenging widowed journey. 

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